Pure

I had the most amazing taxi ride the other day. I was in the taxi for about 30 minutes and my driver talked and laughed non-stop the entire time telling me story after story about his younger days. Because I have picked up some stealth like moves over the years, I pulled out my phone and proceeded to record one of his stories....until he busted me and refused to tell me anymore until I stopped "taking pictures" of him. I so badly want to post it here but have been battling the stupid video and my computer and complete ignorance of all things technological and can't figure out how to post it.

Now that I am thoroughly frustrated, I am taking the easy way out on my post for tonight.

First of all, is it just me or is the print on this blog normally really small??? I don't know why it's that way but I'm kicking it up a notch because I refuse to admit that it could just be my age.

Secondly, I noticed that yesterday's post was post number 201. There was no fanfare...in fact, I almost feel bad about yesterday's totally random post in light of that very small and insignificant milestone. Maybe it is appropriate after all.

Just out of curiosity, I went back and started reading some posts from the early days and I was hit with a huge wave of nostalgia. Then I found a post I titled Pure. I wrote it just after New Years 2009 and I'm amazed how 2.5 years later the bulk of the post still rings true for me.

Consider this taking the easy way out......but I am posting Pure again because it is so where I am these days and I really, really needed to be reminded of what I want most out of life.

PURE

If you have any preconceived ideas that I make all the right decisions, think through everything before I act or speak, and am just an all around perfect woman, please don't read any further because you will be sorely disappointed.

I was having a conversation last week with one of my favorite people in the whole entire world, Lisa. She lives in Florida and is married to a pastor and she is real.......transparent, authentic, and refreshingly real. I miss her in a way that just hurts my heart.

We were talking about the things in our lives that we just can't stand about ourselves. You know what I'm talking about, the stuff that we try really hard to pretend doesn't exist so our appearance says something different from our reality.

Like working really hard on a comment to post on a very popular blog trying to get a shout out from the blog author.

Like checking an Evite invitation 45 times a day to see who is or is not coming to your party and why.

Like keeping the tags on a new shirt, wearing it to church for all your friends to see, and returning it to the store if no one complimented you on the cuteness factor of the shirt.

Like allowing yourself to be tortured over a broken relationship until you can think of nothing else but the pieces scattered all around you.

Like hearing other women talk about their weaknesses and having a moment of intense pride when your struggles are not the same.

We laughingly agreed that being open with each other about our yuck made us feel a little less bad about ourselves and wondering how many women have these same feelings, but never admit it to anyone.

I have never been a big New Years resolution kind of girl because I have horrible discipline and by the 1st week of January I will have broken every resolution. Why set myself up for failure?

I did enter this new year thinking about what I wanted out of 2009. The truth is, I want to be pure.

I want my intentions to be pure.

I want my pursuit of God to be pure.

I want my motivations in life to be pure.

I want my thoughts to be pure.

I want my ongoing, desperate need for approval to be met purely through my Savior.

Now, I know very well that I am riddled with fault and will have days where I fail miserably. I also know that God's promises and love for us are "new every morning" and I don't have to wait until 2010 to start over. Thank you God for that promise!

I hope your 2009 has gotten off to a great start. I pray that each of you finds a renewed sense of purpose in your walk with Christ. I pray you will have pure joy.

His mercy is new every morning and every single morning I take full advantage of that fact. I am far, far, far from perfect and am astounded at the ongoing gift of forgiveness offered to me. But I also know that on the other side of that forgiveness and mercy is Joy. It is something I have to choose for myself.

I choose pure Joy.