May 16, 2011

Keri:1 Squatty Potty:0

*Disclaimer: Much like this post, my husband is mortified by the subject matter I have written about below. If you are overly emotional, prone to sudden queasiness or are very delicate in nature, please do yourself a favor and skip today's post. Thank you!

There are things in life that have a hold over us. Our fear immobilizes us and renders us useless.

Just a spoken word of this thing can cause us to tremble and break out in a sweat. We lay awake some nights and create situations in our minds that involve this particular thing that seems to inhibit our ability to slip into blissful unconsciousness.

We dread the day we are forced to come face to face....toe to toe....with the thing that could quite possibly bring us to our knees in total surrender. We hear of others that have survived and we become obsessed. How did they do it? How did they overcome the thing we fear the most? Could I ever be that person?

Today was the day I came face to face with a fear I've had for 9 months now. I was forced into a situation where there was no out and I wasn't prepared.

Today was the day I went to battle with? The Squatty Potty.

I had no other choice. I was on a bike ride through the mighty jungle of Pualu Ubin, an island just 10 min from Singapore by boat, and it was hot and humid and I was drinking water like a marathon runner.

Which I'm clearly not. But I can drink water like one and that's as close as I'll ever come to being one.

After a particularly brutal and bumpy ride over roots and ruts that lasted about 3 minutes, it was time for this girl to visit the ladies room. We had just passed an incredible view of submerged gates used to keep out illegal immigrants when we pulled over for yet another break. Apparently it was the policy of our guide to never ride more than 5 minutes without taking a break.

I was relieved to hear there was a restroom available and I ran up the hill so I could be first in line.

Survival of the fittest, people.

I walked in and went from stall to stall only to see that there was no escaping the thing I have feared for months. In a typical Singaporean restroom you'll have the option of choosing a squatty or a western toilet. That was not the case here.

It was do or die time.

Please know that while I enjoy pictures that make you feel like
you've been transported to Asia to live this life with me, this
picture was taken post flush. What you see is what happens when you're on
an island with only well water. I'm not THAT desperate to give you
an authentic look at my life here.

I took a deep breath, held all clothing out of the way, braced my 5'11" self on the wall that was on either side of me refusing to think of the germs festering there and then.....I went for it. All the horror stories I've heard about missing entirely and not being able to engage the proper muscles to stop that gallon of water you drank from rolling out under the door were ringing in my head.

(5 points if you can name the movie)

I flat out ROCKED the squatty potty.

I ran outside cheering and announced to 10 women I don't know that today was the day that I stared my nemesis in the face and was victorious. There are now 9 expat women in Singapore that think I am weird and then there was Tiffany who in true friend fashion, took a picture of my moment.

I just want to encourage all of you out there that are full of fear of the unknown. At least when you conquer your fear, you'll have a much cooler thing to shout than "I rocked the squatty potty".

I'm just here to help. To offer hope for the hopeless. That's what I do.


  1. I rocked the squatty potty (twice) while I was in Japan, but that was 14 years ago before I had kids and could still aim. ;) We didn't have to use one when we were in Cambodia, but you've inspired me to search one out on our next trip.

  2. We are heading to Greece in June....I'll keep you posted on my biggest fear! ;0) Tina

  3. It took me several trips to the squatty potty while living in Japan before I could get my aim right, so GOOD FOR YOU! Another thing you do amazingly well, though I might leave that one off the resume. :-)

  4. You avoid these like I avoid Port-a-potties! I was reading your post when Caleb walked in the room and saw the picture of the toilet. He immediately said, "Ugh!", so I explained to him your situation and he said, "Why can't she move back?" He seems to hate public bathrooms as much as I do!



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