May 26, 2010

Temporary Home

Just about a month ago, I was watching a country music award show. Not because I necessarily like country music, but just because I really like awards shows.

I normally skip the performances because it usually proves that what a stylist and make-up artist can do for someone's looks, a good music producer can do for someone's voice. There is nothing more disappointing than finding out that an artist you admire is not a good singer.

Anyways, I happened upon the show right about the time Carrie Underwood was getting ready to sing her hit, Temporary Home. I had never heard this song until that night and I was riveted to the TV. I think I watched her performance 4 times in a row.

Today my home is echoing with the sound of tape being placed on the tops of boxes and the 7 men who are putting up with my need to be overly friendly and hospitable so I don't fall all to pieces on them. As my house is being dismantled, the memories of the past 6 years are flooding my mind.

This is my Temporary Home

Sitting on the kitchen counter with my sisters having great conversation.

Curled up on the couch upstairs with my big pink blanket, watching TV.

It's not where I belong

Our front yard that has had the grass worn thin from the numerous football games played there.

The way the Christmas tree lights reflect in our front door.

Windows and rooms, that I'm passin' through

Walking into the boy's rooms when they are sleeping and looking at faces filled with an innocence that seems to slip away a little more each day.

Appreciating the sanctuary our bedroom was for me and Scot.......the laughter, fights and making up that room has seen. The copious amounts of books that have been read in there and home to some of our best conversations.

This is just another stop on the way to where I'm going.

Our guest room that has had more short and long term visitors than I could count.......and I've loved every one of them.

The fireplace.......oh, I will miss having a fireplace.

I'm not afraid because I know.....

The kitchen table that requires just the right angle to see the grooves that came from homework, letters, and notes being written on it. And the statement "I hate math" that Garrett carved into it in a moment of frustration.

The exact spot in my dining room where I have knelt and prayed more times than I can count.

This is my temporary home.

My permanent home will someday be in heaven. In the meantime, I will cherish every moment and every memory of my Temporary Home.

May 19, 2010

The Closer

It has been almost 6 weeks since I've posted, but it seems like I've lived a lifetime in the interim. My husband has told me more than once that he misses reading my blog and that means more to me than I can ever adequately express. I have started several posts and never finished them because I continually feel like I don't have the words to describe our lives or my emotion.

In the past 6 weeks I have experienced complete awe at the sovereignty of my God, I have given in to more than my share of ugly crying, I have been frustrated, excited, overwhelmed, humbled, joyful, confused, and scared.

All the emotion came to a head on Monday when it became official that the closing on our house was going to fall through. We had a feeling this was going to happen, but faced with the certainty of the situation and realizing that it was going back on the market a week before packers and movers are showing up to take half our home away to Singapore, was devastating. I am incredibly sensitive to the fact that this bump in the road is nothing compared to what people struggle with every single and death situations.....but for an incredibly human me, I had to fight to keep my faith and trust in God's ultimate plan for our lives.

I may or may not have had a complete meltdown and enjoyed a little, or a lot, of self-pity. It was certainly not one of my more attractive moments. All of this because of a house closing.....but it was what I was waiting for and needing.


There are so many times in our lives that we look for closure. Closure in a relationship. Closure in the passing of a loved one.

It became very clear to me that if I look to things and events around me for closure, I am going to be left wanting more every single time.

The final meal at a Mexican restaurant is not going to be enough.

The final walk through this home is not going to be enough.

The final drive to the airport is not going to be enough.

The final good-bye is not going to be enough.

Looking to a God that closes one chapter of our life and escorts us to the next must be enough for me.

Looking to a God that is the ultimate closer of every deal, decision, or move I make must be enough for me.

Looking to a God whose idea of closure is to provide me with a way to enjoy eternal life with him in heaven......that is enough for me.

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