The Closer

It has been almost 6 weeks since I've posted, but it seems like I've lived a lifetime in the interim. My husband has told me more than once that he misses reading my blog and that means more to me than I can ever adequately express. I have started several posts and never finished them because I continually feel like I don't have the words to describe our lives or my emotion.

In the past 6 weeks I have experienced complete awe at the sovereignty of my God, I have given in to more than my share of ugly crying, I have been frustrated, excited, overwhelmed, humbled, joyful, confused, and scared.

All the emotion came to a head on Monday when it became official that the closing on our house was going to fall through. We had a feeling this was going to happen, but faced with the certainty of the situation and realizing that it was going back on the market a week before packers and movers are showing up to take half our home away to Singapore, was devastating. I am incredibly sensitive to the fact that this bump in the road is nothing compared to what people struggle with every single day.....life and death situations.....but for an incredibly human me, I had to fight to keep my faith and trust in God's ultimate plan for our lives.

I may or may not have had a complete meltdown and enjoyed a little, or a lot, of self-pity. It was certainly not one of my more attractive moments. All of this because of a house closing.....but it was what I was waiting for and needing.

Closure.

There are so many times in our lives that we look for closure. Closure in a relationship. Closure in the passing of a loved one.

It became very clear to me that if I look to things and events around me for closure, I am going to be left wanting more every single time.

The final meal at a Mexican restaurant is not going to be enough.

The final walk through this home is not going to be enough.

The final drive to the airport is not going to be enough.

The final good-bye is not going to be enough.

Looking to a God that closes one chapter of our life and escorts us to the next must be enough for me.

Looking to a God that is the ultimate closer of every deal, decision, or move I make must be enough for me.

Looking to a God whose idea of closure is to provide me with a way to enjoy eternal life with him in heaven......that is enough for me.