A New Normal

Tomorrow is a week since That Day.  That Day that turned our entire world upside down and set us off on a journey we did not sign up for!  

I promise this blog is not going to become all about That Day........even I would get bored with that!  But right now it is pretty all-consuming so you will have to bear with me.  We are doing well and are very hopeful, but there still lurks a fear that is just ready to pounce on me at any moment.  I have kept it caged pretty well, but the effects of it are becoming noticeable in my complexion and waistline.  Don't you hate that????  I can say, "I'm doing well", while the constellation of breakouts on my face scream, "YOU LIAR!!".  

It is interesting having your life turned completely upside down.  I have always been good during a crisis.  I watch lots of those ER, real life trauma shows so if you are ever impaled on something, I'm your go-to girl!  I feel like I have turned on my crisis mode.....you know, the one with the siren on top of my car and red/zebra striped cape.

Our new normal started with letting some of our conveniences go.  We established an Eat Out One Time A Week rule and are convincing our boys that eating black beans all the time will only increase their popularity with their peers (stinky boys who think all types of bodily noises are super hysterical) and repel the girls which is my real intention.  Scot is on his knees thanking God for a low-maintenance wife who requires a hair cut and color only 2-3 times a year.  Honestly, I've just become aware of how much extra money we were spending on non-essentials.  Not that there is anything wrong with non-essentials.....I'm a girl that likes her conveniences!  I'm just not that devastated to let some of them go for this season - I feel like I'm simplifying my life.

Our new normal means that we have become a statistic.  I very much dislike being a statistic........I pride myself in being an individual and raging against the societal norm, but here I find myself every bit of a statistic.  The problem is that this has been earth shattering for us, but when people find out, we quickly become a number in the line of others in our same position.  A couple of years ago, this would have been much more earth shattering news.  Now we are "the 3rd person this week" this has happened to.

Our new normal has allowed a peak into my husband's relationship with God.  He is not the kind of man that regularly opens up about his relationship with God.  I have seen a side of him I can only describe as beautiful.  It has allowed for a different kind of intimacy in our relationship and I feel like we are tenderly watching out for each other.

Our new normal has invited in an overwhelming sense of love from my Heavenly Father.  I feel completely wrapped up in His arms as I have pressed into Him.  I feel like I am clinging to him with my head buried in His robe, like I can't look until the bad has gone away.  A friend said to me, "You will miss the intimacy of this relationship when you are done going through this trial."  I can absolutely see the truth in that.  Our situation stinks - no doubt about it.  But I have experienced first hand the mighty hand of God working in a way that is just for me.  I so, so, so want to honor God through this process.

This post is already entirely too long and there is so much more to share, but I will practice self-control and save it for another day.  I will say that I am going to be taking a survey on this blog in the next several days.  I am speaking at an event in April to teen girls and I'm scared out of my mind......women I can talk to, teen girls are an entirely different matter.  I feel strongly about the direction God is taking me in what He wants me to share, but I am going to need some honest input........so stay tuned!!   

I appreciate every one of you!!!