4 Boys and a Bible

This afternoon I went to Starbucks to work on my stuff for Friday night.  I am not a coffee drinker, but I do love a Tall Chai Tea Latte.  Both of my sisters have been baristas at Starbucks and they introduced me to this wonderful, hot bit of goodness.  It did take me a long time to learn the name for some reason.....I kept ordering a Tall Tai Chi Latte.  Um, yeah, if you want to confuse someone at Starbucks, just order up a form of martial arts in a cup for yourself.  That'll do it.

I scored a big chair and was feeling pretty cool.  Had my iPod on, my iPhone at the ready in case someone needed me in a jiffy, and my spiral notebook out.  Spiral notebook?  Yep, they aren't just for 10 year olds.  They also come in handy for those of us who don't have laptops, but have serious work to do at Starbucks.  I was hoping all my iTech stuff would trump the spiral.  

Anyways, I'm a people watcher.  No one was more disappointed than I was when you could no longer watch people get off a plane and walk into the arms of a loved one.  I used to sit there and try to imagine what circumstance had brought people together.  I would cry during an incredibly touching reunion, cheer in my head when a boy thought to bring roses to greet his love, and feel sorry for the ones that were expecting someone only to be disappointed when their loved ones weren't present.  

I was sitting in my big chair, trying to concentrate when right outside the window I saw 4 gangly high school boys sitting at a table.  Most brought their own drinks and one was eating chips by tipping the bag right into his mouth.  One actually entered Starbucks to get a cup of water.  They were tall and goofy, laughing loudly at each other.  

Please understand that in getting ready for Friday night, I've been talking to a lot of teens and people who work with or live with teens.  It has been hard for me to not feel completely devastated by what our teens face on a daily basis.  It just seems impossible for any of them to pass through their teen years unscathed......most of them face situations that most adults I know would not be able to handle in a Christ-like way.  

For some reason I glanced out the window after the boys were settled.  And there I saw just what I needed to continue on.  

All four heads were bowed as they prayed.  

They were praying......in public, to a God that they were trying to model their lives after.  I was so moved because it was so unexpected.  They proceeded to talk to each other, take notes in spirals (told you I was cool), and open their Bibles.  

I wanted to jump out of my comfy chair and run out to them - just to tell them that I was proud of them for being strong.  I didn't, and I do regret that now.  I did take a picture of them......maybe I'll print it and tape it to the front of my spiral!

Rejuvenate

On April 3, I will be speaking at a teen girl's event at our church called "Rejuvenate".  It is going to be an incredible event for these girls, complete with a Guy Panel.  What I would have done for a Guy Panel when I was in high school.

Um, yeah.  So, you know, how do guys feel about, like totally, being wrestled to

the ground as a sign of affection?

To say that I was awkward in high school is an enormous understatement.  I never even learned to stuff my bra correctly, even though my good friend donated hours of her time to the cause.  But then she dotted all her i's with a heart and I could never get that one down, either.

I grew up going to a Christian school and then went to Baylor University which is a Baptist college in Waco.  To tell you that it was easy for me to lead a Christian lifestyle is a gross understatement.  I learned a ton about God, His love for me, His character, the Bible......I was a pro at memorizing scripture.  Don't even try to race me in finding the book of Joel, I will beat you every time.   

I left college after getting my Master's degree and moved to Houston.  That, my friends, is when the wheels came off.  You see, I knew a lot.......but a lot of that knowledge was head knowledge.  It didn't take up residence in my heart.  When I moved out of an environment that was "easy" and into a life where I had to CHOOSE to seek out God and spend time with Him, I failed. Miserably.  

On April 3, I have to stand in front of girls that face things every day that would make most women my age crumble.  I have to stand there and tell them something that will make a difference.  I could talk about their self-esteem.  I could talk about who they are in Christ.  I could talk about guarding their hearts.

But, will it matter the next time they are in a situation where they have to choose between right and wrong in a split second?

I feel like God is telling me to share more about having a real, solid relationship with Him.  A personal, pick His voice out of the screaming chaos in our heads, kind of relationship.  You see, those things I could talk about are important, very important, but don't matter unless there is a relationship present that makes you care about the kind of life you live.

The problem is that I have only really figured this out for myself in the last year or so.  The complete devotion to finding out more about the One I serve.  The absolute craving of time spent alone with Him.  Wanting to live my life in a way that is pleasing to Him.  Being excited about the plans He has for me no matter how much it stretches me to an uncomfortable limit.  

I so, so, so, so wish I had not wasted so many years.  My relationship with God has always been genuine, my love has not.  I know that sounds harsh, but I'm just being honest.  

So, my challenge is to communicate with these sweet girls the absolute importance of falling in love with their Savior.  I'm excited about the way I'm going to share this with them.  God has definitely been working with me on that.  It is going to be real, honest, and relevant for where they are today.  And I am working extra hard at being super cute that night.....because that matters to them, too.  

I would love to hear some input from some of you.  If you don't want to comment here, or don't know how, please email me at kerijenkins@sbcglobal.net.

Whether you consider yourself spiritual or not, something drives the decisions you make.  What is it?  As a Christian, do you feel like your relationship is more head knowledge or heart knowing?  At what point did your relationship with Christ drive the choices made in your life?  

Believe me, there is not going to be any judging on my part.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am one of God's most frustrating children.  I drive him absolutely nuts, I'm sure.  Dumb choices, wacky priorities, bad living.........I've done it all.  I'm just looking for more insight because I feel incredibly unqualified to teach these girls.  

Which probably makes it a perfect scenario because God is going to have to do all the talking.

Green Doesn't Look That Great On Me

I'm not going to lie.  It's been a rough couple of days.  I do have some raging hormones right now, which certainly does not help the cause.

I went to Bible study this morning.  I've been doing the Esther study at a friend's church - supporting her in her first gig as a discussion group leader.  I'm supposed to be her assistant, but I've totally dropped the ball on that one.

As we were sitting in our small group, discussing last week's homework, I could just feel my smile getting sucked right out of me.  I felt disconnected from everyone and was certainly not jumping in with answers as quickly as my friend, Posey, would like for me to.  I'm her "if the crickets are chirping cuz noone is talking" go to girl.  Not usually at a loss for words in my corner of the world.  

She asked me to pray at the end and I told her no.  I said it more with my entire face as she started to realize that I was teetering on the edge of an emotional waterfall.  When I feel that emotional, I just can't pray out loud because then I lose it.  Which is fine, but I prefer to be in the privacy of my home, facedown on my bedroom floor when I pray/ugly cry in a way only my Father can understand.

We then went to watch the Bible study video and I cried most of the way through it.  One time Posey tried to console me and I told her not to be nice to me.........I was barely hanging on, people.  One sweet hug would have created a scene as well.  At the end of the study, Posey whips out a PJ Chang gift card and announces that she's taking me to lunch.

Hallelujah!!  Thank you God for giving me friends that know what I need!  I needed some Sesame Chicken and quick!!  

After we ordered, she looked me straight in the eye and said, "What is bothering you?".  I gave her some sort of pat answer.  She was not convinced so she asked me again, "What is bothering you?".

"I'm just honestly jealous that everyone else's life is going forward as normal and I am here, trying to be faithful through a crisis."

There was only a slight pause before she lovingly responded to me.

"I am going to thump your head."

What??  Where is the coddling?  Where is the sympathy?  I got a thumping all right.  She quickly reminded me of what I do have.  I have a loving husband, healthy kids that I enjoy being around, a career that can help support us, and an incredible group of friends.  No way was she going to let me sit there green with envy.  

"Try again, what is REALLY bothering you?"

"Honestly, I'm a little afraid of how far God will let this go."

Now I know what all of you are saying.........believe me, I know.  I know we will look back at this point in our lives and see God's hand all over it.  I have already seen God's provision.  I also know God well enough to know that He will refine me through this process.

I'm just praying that I will be a quick learner.

A couple more things and an excuse to post another picture......

A couple of things I forgot to mention in the "I Survived" post......

1.  After getting home and taking a long hot shower, without being on the constant lookout for large bugs, I spent some quality time with my best friend, the Tweezerman Tweezers.  I innocently stepped up to the mirror and almost took out my eye with the tweezers I was so frightened.  Yes, I will be one of those woman who has to enlist a good friend to visit the nursing home 3 times a week for plucking duty.  

I derived some sort of comfort in thinking that maybe the extreme chilly conditions in the evening was invoking some sort of bodily response to produce fur, I mean hair, to keep me warm. It was truly horrifying.  And while I am all about honesty here on this blog, I don't love you guys enough to chronicle my transition to Wolf Woman in photos.  I'm sure the mental image is scary enough.  

2.  I did successfully encourage all 3 of my boys to shower and change underwear one time in the 2.5 days we were there.  That was my biggest goal, so all and all, the trip was a success.  In case I was met by refusals, I had about 3 friends on standby for an emergency extraction if I had to sleep with 3 very dirty, smelly men people and a dog.  I do have my limits.

3.  I was in complete awe of the night sky and all the stars.  Yes, I've seen many stars in my day, but there were so many and they were incredibly bright.........Lite Brite kind of bright.  I was humbled and my inner self bowed a knee to my Maker.  He placed every star in the sky and yet still knows me by name.  This city girl just doesn't feel worthy sometimes.

I Survived!!

This image says it all.  I have to admit that it was beautiful.  The weather was perfect, and who knew how much better food tasted when you're camping?  This picture was taken by a very out of breath momma who saw a photo op from VERY far away and sprinted to the dock to take advantage.  Ran through people's campsites and all.........that alone screams ROOKY!!  But honestly, who can resist a sunset, a boy, his dad, their dog and a fishing pole?  

Boys and their Grandpa setting out to go fishing.  They didn't catch one thing the whole time we were there.......not even a nibble.  G would go multiple times a day to fish and would stay for hours.  N, not so much.  He was only interested in practicing the casting part........meaning, as long as he was throwing a line with a sharp object and worm on the end, he was happy.

Ok, take one wild guess which air mattress was mine........any guesses?  Yep, the pink fuzzy blanket is a dead giveaway.  I don't own a sleeping bag.....a fact that made my husband gasp as we were packing to go.  I'm not sure why he was so surprised since he KNOWS my lack of camping experience and I don't go to many slumber parties anymore.  Sleeping bag has not been high on my priority shopping list.  

Needless to say, chuckles all around as I pulled out my fitted sheet, top sheet, and cute blanket my sister made for me (it's pink so it won't get stolen by my men, it's 6 feet long so it covers me head to toe, and it has my name embroidered on it).   I froze the first night, literally froze.  My husband came to my rescue in the wee hours humming a ZZ Top favorite.....a little "Slip Into My Sleeping Bag".  No worries, this is a family blog........and all I was interested in was getting back to my dream, quickly.

This was the night before we left.  A little sunburned and very tired.  If you look closely, you can see the lids of the Wolf brand chili cooking on the fire for our chili dogs that night.  I had been eating like I was starved the whole day and I was still excited about those chili dogs.  Until about 1:00 a.m. when all that camp food decided to come back for a visit........nothing like stumbling around in a very dark tent, trying to unzip the door so I could walk 400 feet to the bathroom.  Good times, my friends, good times.  It didn't stop me from eating the very best pancakes I've ever had the next morning.  No sir, because I am a team player.......and apparently now, I am a camper.  

Heaven help us all.

Change of Plans

**Update:  I am currently packing, getting ready to head out for the 'ol campground.  It doesn't help that I have, what I have self-diagnosed to be, a case of pneumonia.  Nothing like some good, fresh, East Texas air to cure that right up!  My boys....all 3 of them....are so excited and I felt that I could not let them down. 

I'm thinking one trip with a squealing, bug hating, showering-insisting mom will cure them all from extending the invite again.  This as an investment in future weekends alone.  Wish me luck........

Our original Spring Break plans included a trip to California to wander around San Francisco for a weekend with my parents, followed by a sight seeing trip to see those really big trees, whose name escapes me right now.  Then down to Southern California to see my Grandmother, brothers, sister-in-law, and nephew.  

After "That Day", we cancelled the trip.......or postponed it for another time.  Instead we are heading out tomorrow to go camping.......the kind that involves a tent.  And bugs.  And boys who laughed when I asked them how many changes of clothes they take.....apparently they don't believe in changing their clothes when camping.  

I love the outdoors......I really do.  Nothing moves me more than being alone in God's creation.....it is just that I like to enjoy room service while admiring said creation.  I have to admit, I'm on the fence about going.  I originally agreed in the name of family togetherness.  I am just wondering if too much togetherness is really good for us.  Especially when my brand of togetherness tends to lean toward insisting on a new pair of underwear and brushed teeth on a daily basis.  I know, I'm a radical.  

In other Spring Break news......we are in charge of Scraffy, the 2nd grade pet hamster.  Our rotation with him began Tues and lasts until Thurs.  If you read about our experience with Buddy, you can understand my slight nervousness about taking on the class pet.  Who wants to have the mom who kills off the class pet?  N would be socially doomed for all eternity if something happens to sweet Scraffy.  I swear, Barnes, our 90 pound mutt, licks his lips every time he sees Scraffy.  Scraffy looks like nothing more than a Snacky to Barnes.

I did get to go on a date with my 10 year old today.  Scot and N are in College Station watching the Aggies get their hineys kicked in a baseball game against UNM.  G and I went to go see Race to Witch Mountain.  It was a VERY entertaining movie....so much better than I had anticipated. We then went out for wings and I was once again amazed at how much my 5 foot tall 10 year old can put away in one sitting.  Scot better get on with finding a job because feeding these boys is going to get more and more expensive.  

Scot has vivid nightmares, I mean memories, of going home with me for Christmas and watching my 6'8" brother order an appetizer, salad, and TWO entrees....devouring it all.  We may quickly gain some sort of appreciation for the Golden Corall Buffet.   

Professional photography is most certainly not in my future, but you get the idea.  Please pray for me as I make the important decision of going camping......tent, bugs, dirty underwear....or staying home.  Alone......by myself.......where it is relatively clean and I'd have an entire king size bed all to myself.  

The Wall

I was asked to teach our Sunday School class today.  Instead of coming up with my own theme, I continued in Nehemiah where our regular teacher had left off.

Nehemiah is one cool dude.  In fact, from here on out we're going to call him Neh, because he would've probably really liked that.  If you've never studied the guy, I highly recommend it.  Like many stories in the Bible, you start to read it and can't put it down thinking the whole time, "Who needs Twilight?  This stuff is great!"  You have the lead guy, Neh, a couple of thugs, lots of suspense, adventure, and intrigue.  Spoiler alert........God and Neh win in the end.  

Neh was chosen by God to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.  Honestly, it makes me happy God just asked me to work in Women's Ministry.......I don't know that I would be a good wall builder.  In fact, I'm giggling right now just thinking about it.....yikes! 

There were a couple of guys that had been giving Neh all kinds of grief when he started.  Insulting him, his mother......they were all up in his grill.  (I'm paraphrasing a little....and throwing in some ghetto to spice things up.)  Neh took it all in stride, never stooping to the level of hurtling insults back at these guys.  He would just pray and ask God to get 'em.

When the thugs got tired of insults alone and had gotten enough people worked up into a frenzy to back them up, they started talking about fighting the Jews working on the wall.  Not verbal fighting, the kind of fighting that will have me plugging my ears and squeezing my eyes shut until it is all over.  

Neh was smart enough to know they were serious so he prayed.  Then, he started forming a plan to protect the walls that were already built.  You know what he did?  He placed entire families in position along the wall to guard it.  Many times these families were at the lowest place in the wall.

I spent a lot of time thinking about that.  Why in the world did he do that?  What was he trying to accomplish?  

I came up with a couple of thoughts.  

1.  You want to motivate a man to fight, you put his family right there in harm's way.

2.  You want to motivate a woman to fight, you put her babies right there in harm's way.

3.  It was far less distracting to the man to know his family was all there, not in the city where they could be in danger.

The thing that hit me was that it was an incredible opportunity for men to show their family how to protect and fight for what they believed in.  He had his family there to back him up, encourage him when he didn't think he could go on, love on him if he was wounded, and watch him so they could take his lead in fighting.  

Suddenly this story became more real.  I was hit hard with this truth.  Scot does not have to stand at the wall alone fighting for our family.  We can stand there together, each of us bringing our own strengths to the battle.  We have been given the opportunity to show our children how to stand in faith and the knowledge that we serve a mighty God and to fight the enemy that is determined to destroy us.  

Scot, you will not stand alone.

Miracles

She died.

When I was about 8 or 9 years old, my mom had a friend that had cancer. It was the first time I was ever exposed to the disease that has stolen so many lives. I don't remember the lady's name, or even what she looked like. What I do remember is my mom praying for her healing. The kind of prayer that will take you to your knees, begging God to spare a life. I remember being so affected by the fervency in which my mom pleaded for a miracle. Her friend died. I began to doubt that God would heal just because someone asked Him to.


When I was 30 years old, we moved to Florida. I had a 2 year old and a 5 month old and I was a walking disaster. Many times my husband would come home from work to find me in tears on the couch. I was overwhelmed and desperately missed the life I had left behind. I prayed for a miracle and God led us to a church that changed our lives. Then we were uprooted again to move to Houston. I began to doubt that God really cared.


My good friend of 15 years has lost 7 babies through miscarriage. I was determined to "stand in the gap" for her when days were so dark, she didn't want to get out of bed. I encouraged her, prayed for her, and begged God to give her a child. She has never been able to carry a baby past 8 weeks of pregnancy. No miracle.


I am now 38 years old. Life has been challenging these last several months, but I have been steadfast in my faith, determined not to waiver. I knew we were entering into economic times that would rival what I had only read about in history books, but I just knew we were safe. Then Scot got laid off from his job and my faith is shaken for a moment, but I am determined to trust God until I receive my miracle.


But what if I don't?


I am not the only woman in my situation that is standing firm on the promises of God. I have learned, some people get the miracle and some don't. What if I'm a "don't" this time around?


My child, what is your definition of a miracle?


You see, your mom's friend came home to me many years ago. My miracle was in allowing you, a young, impressionable girl, watch your mother demonstrate the kind of faith that you were going to need yourself some day. My miracle was allowing your mom's friend to have a legacy that exceeded her expectations, a legacy that has brought many to my feet with hurting, questioning hearts, so I could tenderly reach down and heal them.


My miracle was in giving you a friendship with your pastor's wife in Florida that would sustain you through many hard times. I needed you to be there so Lisa could nuture you, pour My word into you, and love you, so you could be more effective to Me when I moved you to Houston. My miracle was being very present when your marriage was put to the test - pouring grace and mercy all over both of you. Your marriage is stronger today because of it, that's a miracle.


My miracle was taking extreme heartache in the loss of so many babies, and making it a part of our friend's testimony. My miracle is taking what satan meant for evil, to hurt and destroy, and turning it into good. My miracle is giving her and her husband twins to adopt, children I knew would need her to be their mom.


Wait in anticipation of a miracle, but you must remove your own earthly, narrow-minded expectations of what that miracle will look like. If only you could see your life like I see it, you would have no fear, only excitement for what is to come. Your miracle may not come in the form of an incredible new job or financial gain, but stand strong in your faith with eager anticipation and let Me show you what a miracle really is.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Last night was family game night.  

Now before you all start rolling your eyes at the Focus on the Family-ness of our evening, you need to understand that we go into game night hoping it will end with a showing of good sportsmanship all the way around.......including mom and dad.  Because sometimes mom's competitive edge comes out, especially when dad is winning, and it isn't pretty.

Last night the game of choice was Life.  You know the game, you choose a career, get married, have kids, buy a house, lose your job because of a panicking boss - oh, sorry,  getting our Life confused with the game.   Anyways, I love that game and always insist on being banker because I like to be in control.........admitting that is the first step to recovery, right?  

My favorite quote of the evening:

G:  I landed on "Learned CPR" and now I get a Life tile.  What is CPR?

N:  You use it to save people.  It's mouth to mouth reaction......

Scot and I thought that was hysterical.  

Then I looked over at my man and thought, a little "mouth to mouth reaction" certainly goes a long way in saving him these days.

A New Normal

Tomorrow is a week since That Day.  That Day that turned our entire world upside down and set us off on a journey we did not sign up for!  

I promise this blog is not going to become all about That Day........even I would get bored with that!  But right now it is pretty all-consuming so you will have to bear with me.  We are doing well and are very hopeful, but there still lurks a fear that is just ready to pounce on me at any moment.  I have kept it caged pretty well, but the effects of it are becoming noticeable in my complexion and waistline.  Don't you hate that????  I can say, "I'm doing well", while the constellation of breakouts on my face scream, "YOU LIAR!!".  

It is interesting having your life turned completely upside down.  I have always been good during a crisis.  I watch lots of those ER, real life trauma shows so if you are ever impaled on something, I'm your go-to girl!  I feel like I have turned on my crisis mode.....you know, the one with the siren on top of my car and red/zebra striped cape.

Our new normal started with letting some of our conveniences go.  We established an Eat Out One Time A Week rule and are convincing our boys that eating black beans all the time will only increase their popularity with their peers (stinky boys who think all types of bodily noises are super hysterical) and repel the girls which is my real intention.  Scot is on his knees thanking God for a low-maintenance wife who requires a hair cut and color only 2-3 times a year.  Honestly, I've just become aware of how much extra money we were spending on non-essentials.  Not that there is anything wrong with non-essentials.....I'm a girl that likes her conveniences!  I'm just not that devastated to let some of them go for this season - I feel like I'm simplifying my life.

Our new normal means that we have become a statistic.  I very much dislike being a statistic........I pride myself in being an individual and raging against the societal norm, but here I find myself every bit of a statistic.  The problem is that this has been earth shattering for us, but when people find out, we quickly become a number in the line of others in our same position.  A couple of years ago, this would have been much more earth shattering news.  Now we are "the 3rd person this week" this has happened to.

Our new normal has allowed a peak into my husband's relationship with God.  He is not the kind of man that regularly opens up about his relationship with God.  I have seen a side of him I can only describe as beautiful.  It has allowed for a different kind of intimacy in our relationship and I feel like we are tenderly watching out for each other.

Our new normal has invited in an overwhelming sense of love from my Heavenly Father.  I feel completely wrapped up in His arms as I have pressed into Him.  I feel like I am clinging to him with my head buried in His robe, like I can't look until the bad has gone away.  A friend said to me, "You will miss the intimacy of this relationship when you are done going through this trial."  I can absolutely see the truth in that.  Our situation stinks - no doubt about it.  But I have experienced first hand the mighty hand of God working in a way that is just for me.  I so, so, so want to honor God through this process.

This post is already entirely too long and there is so much more to share, but I will practice self-control and save it for another day.  I will say that I am going to be taking a survey on this blog in the next several days.  I am speaking at an event in April to teen girls and I'm scared out of my mind......women I can talk to, teen girls are an entirely different matter.  I feel strongly about the direction God is taking me in what He wants me to share, but I am going to need some honest input........so stay tuned!!   

I appreciate every one of you!!!

 

On a lighter note......

I want to thank all of you who have reached out after hearing the news about Scot's job loss.  We have both been humbled by the support and love......there are no words to adequately express how I feel.  I will keep everyone posted as we go along - you are a part of this story now, whether you like it or not!

Ok, since I "Lent-ed" myself out of sweets for the next several weeks, I have been escaping our reality by watching other's reality on TV.  I do watch The Bachelor.  There I said it.  I am usually horrified by the way 25 women will fall victim to every female stereotype out there for some guy that probably won't pick them anyways.....but I can't help but watch.

I am currently doing the Esther Bible study written by Beth Moore.  It's amazing how similar The Bachelor is to the exact process those sweet girls went through so King Xerxes could find a different Queen.  Guess what ABC?  The concept is not a new one.....at all.  Since I was able to find a correlation between my Bible study and The Bachelor, I feel that gives me grounds to watch.  Ok, maybe that's a stretch......like when I was in high school and was not allowed to listen to secular music and one day my mom caught me listening to Journey's Separate Ways and I convinced her it was a song about our choice to take the wide well traveled road or go a Separate Way down the straight and narrow.  I totally got away with that one!  

If you did not watch yourself, you have surely heard about the craziness of last night's rose ceremony.  I am not going to recap.....I'll leave that to this expert or this one.  I do have to throw out a couple of thoughts.

1.  I watched the show with my sister and 2 friends, Richele and Janah.  These girls are godly women and I had to laugh as they ranted and raved against Jason as the night went on.  They never crossed the line, but it's amazing how insulting you can be just using words like "fruit loop" or "hiney".  

2.  We women can be VERY tough on each other.  Whether we know the woman or not, we are tough, tough, tough.  No matter which pair of stilettos you were voting to see step out of that limo first for the final rose or how you felt about the dress and hair style choices of Molly and Melissa, women across America united in their complete DISGUST of how Melissa was treated by Jason.  Those cheering on Molly and shedding a tear right along with our overly emotional Bachelor as he clung to the railing of his fake house after sending Molly on her way, turned on a dime and started yelling at the very large TV at their friend's house that they wished he would just hurl himself over the edge of the aforementioned wailing rail.  We can be mean to each other, but DO NOT throw us under the bus on national TV or we will come undone and start boycotting the show.....and anyone named Jason.  

The problem is that I loved Jillian and she's the next Bachelorette......and watching a bunch of goofy guys entertain themselves in a big house is a lot of fun.  Hmmmmmm......I'll have to see what Esther thinks about that.

Stripped

This past Friday, my husband lost his job.  He was the VP for Marketing and New Business Development for an oil and gas products company.  He was confident in the security of his job because he was in charge of developing new business, especially overseas.  Unfortunately, he worked for a man that has never been much of a visionary and tends to panic, so Scot's job became a "luxury the company couldn't afford."  I'm not sure how coming up with new business is a luxury, seems more like a necessity, but what do I know?  

The 24 hours following the revelation of our "new normal" were intense for both of us.  Scot felt peaceful and I felt like I was not going to be able to survive one more thing being thrown our way.  Scot began to pray that he would honor God above all else in this process and I was asking "Why us?".  Scot felt confident in our security and I started mourning the loss of a life I really enjoyed.  

I felt like life as we know it had been stripped away.  

There was nothing familiar about our tomorrow and I was scared to death.  I cried a river of tears and wondered why in the world, of all the years I chose to observe Lent and to give up sweets, I chose this one.  I didn't even have my go-to earthly comfort to rely on.  

Yesterday I spent a lot of time in God's word.  I wrote down scriptures, cried out to God, and began to feel His presence descend all over me.  

Trust ME.  Rely on ME.  Look for ME in these circumstances.  Let ME bear the

burden of your fear and anxiety.  Take comfort in ME.

I was reminded of the days when my boys were little and the phrase, "Look at my eyes" was uttered by me 13, 000 times a day.  It was like their ears didn't work correctly unless they were actually looking at me when I spoke to them.

Look at MY eyes, Keri.  Don't look around you.  Look at ME.  Listen only to ME.  

You will not fall.  I will not let you.

We told the boys yesterday morning that their dad no longer had a job.  They were concerned and had a lot of questions.  The conversation quickly turned to job options for Scot.  N suggested he consider becoming a Paleontologist and G thought he'd be great working at a museum since "he knows so much stuff".  Then they could have VIP passes.  Starbucks would also be an option because of their employee discount.

Then G, in all of his 10 year old wisdom, put his hand on his dad's knee, looked at him and said, "You do a really great job being my dad and NOONE can take that job away from you."

I am your heavenly Father.  I am in control and I do a really good

job taking care of you.  Let ME do my job.

We have no idea what is going to happen next.  I am thankful that I have options to work in a career that could support us.  I am thankful that we have been very sensitive to God speaking when we almost made some financial choices that could have been detrimental to us now.  I am thankful for the gift of supportive family and amazing friendships that will carry us through.  I am thankful to be married to a man that so quickly looked for God in this circumstance and chooses to honor Him through it.  

I do not think Scot is expendable.  He is valuable and could not be replaced in our family.

Today, Scot and I are feeling a sense of excitement.  We are anticipating what God is going to do next.  We have looked at the things that have been stripped away and realize that we can see God more clearly when they are gone.  

Having a relationship with ME means that life is going to be an adventure.

I am the tour guide.  You are not going to believe where I am going to 

take you and the blessings you will receive for going there with ME.

Please pray for us, that is what we covet the most.