It's my love language. I enjoy gifts and quality time with people, but nothing means more to me than some sort of "atta girl".
Since it seems that I have been on a roll lately of just letting it all hang out on this blog, I will take it a step further and say that I have to really keep myself in check so my intentions stay pure. You know, so I don't do things in order to receive compliments or praise.
Hello, my name is Keri, and I am an affirmation addict.
I found myself laying down the Summer Law with my boys Saturday. The whole "we are going to have fun this summer BUT......." speech. My expectations are pretty realistic.
1. Do one chore a day.
2. Read one chapter a day.
3. Do one workbook page a day.
You would have thought I had just asked them to pick all the weeds in our yard with their teeth for the way they reacted. Since there is nothing I detest more than heavy sighing and eye rolling, I then launched into my Attitude Speech.
1. IF your chores are not done with excellence, I will add another chore.
2. IF you have a bad attitude and lack quick obedience, I will add another chore.
In case you are wondering, these speeches make me VERY popular! I have realized lately that as we quickly approach the teen years and all the hormonal fun that entails, I have a tendency to be somewhat fearful.
What if they rebel.
What if they don't want anything to do with Scot and I.
What if *gasp* they don't like me.
What if, what if, what if.
I guess what I realized is that I have to guard myself from letting the lines blur in my relationship with G and N. I am not going to constantly get affirmation from them, it will often be quite the opposite. There will be times that I am going to be very unpopular with them because of our rules. Sometimes they will not like me because of our boundaries. There will be times, God help me, where they will flat out want to hang out with anyone but us.
I am their mom, not their best friend. Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love spending time with those guys. I think they are funny, intelligent, and incredibly interesting, but I am not going to allow my parenting to be motivated by my need for affirmation from them.
I am certain most of you are much better at this than I am, but one thing I am constantly battling right now is letting God's approval of me be enough. If everyone around me: friends, coworkers, neighbors, and my kids don't like me because I am being obedient to something God has called me to do, it has to be alright with me. I am just not that mature most of the time!
Ok, so this post took a totally different turn then I had originally intended. Do any of you have any sort of Summer Law you lay down for your kids or is the rumor really true and I AM the meanest mom on the block??
Posts
Yeap, you wont get affirmation from them (often if at all) so that is where friends come in. Giving them some tuff love, makes you a GREAT mom on that block and although they wont like you much now or tomorrow..... the will LOVE you most when they are adults....and its THEN you will cry and weep, because they will surely give you affirmation then and or when you hear them repeat the same words to their own kids.....you will secretly smile without them noticing and say to yourself "they really did listen to me".
ReplyDeleteI have the same kind of rules with Hunter. :)
I am at constant struggle with the approval factor. With my kids, with my hubby, with my parents, with my friends, with my neighbors...shall I go on? I struggle with it daily. I think you have the right attitude- we are our kid's moms, not their best friend and when those lines get blurred is when we get ourselves in trouble.
ReplyDeleteI too have summer rules- each morning they have certain things they must do by themselves before the day starts (make bed, get dressed, brush teeth, etc.). And each day will include a devotion, journal writing, book reading, and daily chores. Now, all this entails about a hour, so they have the rest of the day to do fun, summer things. They are members of this household and they will actively participate as ones too.
There, you are not the only law maker!!
Have a super week!
~Becca
I love those rules -- great ideas! I've come up with a "schedule" for the summer -- I think they are the same as your rules, but I just call them the "activity list for the day". Make the bed, reading/journal time, and workbook time. Since I've never liked rules, we don't have too many in our house, with the exception of No Lying and No Disrespect. We ALL follow these rules -- I do not disrespect Chris by doing things he asks me not to, Cella knows not to disobey, and we do not lie to each other.
ReplyDeleteBy doing what you know to be right, you are teaching your boys how to grow up to be godly men and ultimately good fathers.
I approve and affirm you for this! :-)
All approval of men seekers raise your hands! (I got both mine up:) I think you are right on track setting the summer law and will reep the rewards of those seeds in the teen years! My boys are smaller but we will have a similar rules as well. Praying for you guys!
ReplyDeleteOMGoodness...I promise you that your house sounds so much like mine I just can't stand it! Haha! Now that Tyler is a teenager, I can't help but flash back to the time when I was almost 14 and how I felt about my parents, and the attitude that I had with them MUCH of the time and I cringe! I want my kids to think I'm cool and fun and awesome (or whatever words they use nowadays to mean totally rad!). But then I have to stop and remind myself that I am their PARENT, not their peers. God gave me the responsibility to guard, protect, and guide these children and pray over their precious lives every single day. He wants me to "train them in the way they should go" not be the coolest parent on the block. He wants my ultimate goal for my children to be that they would grow to love and cherish the Lord and their relationship with Him. So as much as I am an affirmation girl (found this out from the couple's 5 Love Languages study), I have to stay focused and remember that the only one I should seek affirmation from is God...and let Him do the rest. And after all, our children WILL certainly come to appreciate us one day...it may not be until they become parents themselves, Lord willing, but it will happen. We just have to be patient...our reward is coming!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I would LOVE to come to Houston for the Siesta Scripture Memory Team gathering in January!! I really didn't think it would be possible so I didn't even get myself psyched up for it, but maybe God will open doors and I can come. I would LOVE to meet you, too, and hug your neck! Love~