Temporary Home

Just about a month ago, I was watching a country music award show. Not because I necessarily like country music, but just because I really like awards shows.

I normally skip the performances because it usually proves that what a stylist and make-up artist can do for someone's looks, a good music producer can do for someone's voice. There is nothing more disappointing than finding out that an artist you admire is not a good singer.

Anyways, I happened upon the show right about the time Carrie Underwood was getting ready to sing her hit, Temporary Home. I had never heard this song until that night and I was riveted to the TV. I think I watched her performance 4 times in a row.

Today my home is echoing with the sound of tape being placed on the tops of boxes and the 7 men who are putting up with my need to be overly friendly and hospitable so I don't fall all to pieces on them. As my house is being dismantled, the memories of the past 6 years are flooding my mind.

This is my Temporary Home

Sitting on the kitchen counter with my sisters having great conversation.

Curled up on the couch upstairs with my big pink blanket, watching TV.

It's not where I belong

Our front yard that has had the grass worn thin from the numerous football games played there.

The way the Christmas tree lights reflect in our front door.

Windows and rooms, that I'm passin' through

Walking into the boy's rooms when they are sleeping and looking at faces filled with an innocence that seems to slip away a little more each day.

Appreciating the sanctuary our bedroom was for me and Scot.......the laughter, fights and making up that room has seen. The copious amounts of books that have been read in there and home to some of our best conversations.

This is just another stop on the way to where I'm going.

Our guest room that has had more short and long term visitors than I could count.......and I've loved every one of them.

The fireplace.......oh, I will miss having a fireplace.

I'm not afraid because I know.....

The kitchen table that requires just the right angle to see the grooves that came from homework, letters, and notes being written on it. And the statement "I hate math" that Garrett carved into it in a moment of frustration.

The exact spot in my dining room where I have knelt and prayed more times than I can count.

This is my temporary home.

My permanent home will someday be in heaven. In the meantime, I will cherish every moment and every memory of my Temporary Home.

The Closer

It has been almost 6 weeks since I've posted, but it seems like I've lived a lifetime in the interim. My husband has told me more than once that he misses reading my blog and that means more to me than I can ever adequately express. I have started several posts and never finished them because I continually feel like I don't have the words to describe our lives or my emotion.

In the past 6 weeks I have experienced complete awe at the sovereignty of my God, I have given in to more than my share of ugly crying, I have been frustrated, excited, overwhelmed, humbled, joyful, confused, and scared.

All the emotion came to a head on Monday when it became official that the closing on our house was going to fall through. We had a feeling this was going to happen, but faced with the certainty of the situation and realizing that it was going back on the market a week before packers and movers are showing up to take half our home away to Singapore, was devastating. I am incredibly sensitive to the fact that this bump in the road is nothing compared to what people struggle with every single day.....life and death situations.....but for an incredibly human me, I had to fight to keep my faith and trust in God's ultimate plan for our lives.

I may or may not have had a complete meltdown and enjoyed a little, or a lot, of self-pity. It was certainly not one of my more attractive moments. All of this because of a house closing.....but it was what I was waiting for and needing.

Closure.

There are so many times in our lives that we look for closure. Closure in a relationship. Closure in the passing of a loved one.

It became very clear to me that if I look to things and events around me for closure, I am going to be left wanting more every single time.

The final meal at a Mexican restaurant is not going to be enough.

The final walk through this home is not going to be enough.

The final drive to the airport is not going to be enough.

The final good-bye is not going to be enough.

Looking to a God that closes one chapter of our life and escorts us to the next must be enough for me.

Looking to a God that is the ultimate closer of every deal, decision, or move I make must be enough for me.

Looking to a God whose idea of closure is to provide me with a way to enjoy eternal life with him in heaven......that is enough for me.

Today

Our house if officially Sold and off the market.

Garrett got his acceptance letter to the American School today so both boys are in.

Scot comes home tonight for a week.

Tomorrow night is my cheat meal for the week and it can't get here quickly enough.

Overwhelmed

My courageous and strong persona is starting to get some stress fractures.

We have kinda sold the house. The realtor for the buyer isn't the most "with it" fellow so until he gets all the paperwork done and earnest money submitted, it isn't official. I met the buyers when they came by yesterday because they wanted to look at items we might be interested in selling. Of course, I didn't find this out until I met the realtor, who was sitting in front of my house after giving me a whopping 30 minute notice they were coming. He told me the purpose of the visit and I suggested I stick around because......ummmmm......this isn't Macy's and I thought MAYBE it would be helpful if I actually TOLD the buyers what we were selling. I guess they were going to just walk around and pick out what they liked??

The good news is that I really like the people buying our home. The bad news is that while sitting upstairs watching The Biggest Loser last night, it finally hit me that someone new was going to be moving in to my home in about 6 weeks. My home, the one I really love. The one that has seen its share of fun, laughter, tears, frustration, and prayer.....oh my, the prayers that have filled this house. I just can't even think about it.

It is all becoming very, very real. They want to close mid May which means we'll be moving into a hotel for about 5 weeks. Our furniture will have already been shipped off or sold which means we need to live somewhere that is already furnished.

Weekends are filling up and I am putting off the monumental task of packing for as long as I can. What to ship? What to pack for 2 months until we get to Singapore? What to store? What to sell?

What to do with all these emotions?

Stop Growing!!

We got home from Spring Break very late Sunday night. Because of that, I let both of the boys sleep in a little on Monday and just took them to school late.

On my way to Garrett's school after dropping Nathan off, I got a phone call from a good friend asking about lunch plans. I promptly went through my day's commitments including a visit to my good friend, Carlene, for "chin whisker burning" as I fondly refer to it now.

The phone call ended with a promise to meet for lunch after my few moments of torture when I heard a small voice from the backseat.......

Your getting your chin whiskers burned off?

Oops.......a brief lapse in judgment resulting in my forgetting to speak in grown-up code to my friend and now another piece of Garrett's innocence was being chipped away and I was left holding the tools.

I wasn't sure what to start with. Addressing the chin whiskers or the fact that I was voluntarily getting them burned off. I jumped in with a discussion about women getting older and chin whiskers......as soon as I uttered the word "hormones", he put a very decisive end to the conversation telling me he "didn't want to know any more".

I don't blame you buddy.

That visit marked the 5th trip to see Carlene of "I will burn them and ze will die" notoriety. I told her that I was a tad frustrated with the smattering of whiskers that were still growing. She looked at me and said,

It is because you are ALIVE!

Really? Because I thought I had paid to make "zem all die" so why are some still growing?

She looked at me again and said,

There is only one other thing I can do.

Great!! Let's do it PRONTITO, por favor.

She leaned over and got about one inch away from me and proceeded to yell at my chin...

STOP GROWING!

Then she stood up and proceeded to don her safety goggles, turn on her laser, and grin a little wider with every sizzle of a chin hair losing its life.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. I love this woman because she seriously loves her job and feels like her days on the whisker battlefield aren't over until the aroma of burnt hair fills every one of her treatment room.

Viva la Carlene!

Something Quick

A quick hello as I bid good-bye to an incredibly busy weekend full of saying good-bye to Scot, hello to my brother, rodeo, Blue Bell Ice Cream factory, quaint restaurants, antique shopping, winery, barbecue, church, steak dinner, good-bye to brother and hello to packing madness.

Whew!! Having my brother (he's number 4 in the lineup of 5 kids) here for the weekend was amazing. He is very urban and super cool, but he embraced his inner cowboy like a real trooper. It was fun being with him all weekend, especially after he bought his cowboy hat. He is 6'8" in bare feet....throw on some boots and a hat and you have yourself a spectacle. He isn't hard on the eyes so wherever he was there was a ton of attention and I loved every second of it. I adore Dave.....he soaked in every experience this weekend held and can't wait to come back for more.

The boys and I leave for Vancouver early in the morning. I am looking forward to a few days away from the stress of house selling. I may even go wild in Vancouver and leave a pair of socks on the floor or something!

Ok, back to packing.......I will leave you with one of my favorite pictures from the weekend!

A Bad Taste In Your Mouth

As the boys get older and more independent, there are certain boundaries that are naturally changed. They are now allowed to go around the block if they are with another kid instead of only being allowed between the Cox's and the McDaniel's driveways. They are allowed to go to the Men's bathroom alone in certain situations. They are given money to order food for themselves at restaurants.

The reality is that I don't know what they say or do every second of the day like I used to. One incredible piece of advice I was given was to pray that they "would be caught in their sin". So I do and they are busted all the time.

Last Thursday I had lunch with Nathan at school. A sweet boy that we've known for years came up to me.

"Mrs. Jenkins? I want you to know that the last time I was at your house, Garrett was using bad words."

I of course asked which words those were and he told me Garrett used the "A" word and the "H" word.

I thanked him and he went on his merry way. That afternoon I verified the story with another friend and found out that both boys (actually all the boys but thank goodness I am only responsible for 2) were saying things like "Helllllllllllllen Keller" and "Asssssssssstronaut". There was more, all of it dancing around the actual words.

It did make me laugh, on the inside, but the intent was there. A perfect time for a lesson.

We have discussed with the boys many times that bad words, not just cuss words but any words that are teasing or demeaning, should taste bitter coming out of their mouths. To emphasize this point, both boys were given 1 tsp of vinegar to drink as a consequence for their choice of words.

One gagged.

One cried.

Two boys were left with a lasting impression that they are still talking about days later.

I'm thinking maybe I should start off each day with a teaspoon or two myself.........