Caged In

                                                                         N Dawg - 7

                                                                       G Money - 9

I have control issues.  There, I said it.  I don't like it, but I will admit it.  

I have never considered myself to be controlling.......those people are obnoxious and noone around them can breathe.  They are loud and have to be in charge of every situation and when people don't obey the rules, they run for their anti-depressant of choice.

No, I'm just mildly Type A with good leadership skills.  Oh, and I like rules, as long as they make sense and aren't dumb.  I'm not controlling, no, just over-protective of my kids - like any good mother. I admit, I can be loud at times, but only at really good football games.  

Then last Saturday I was out for a run and was chatting with God.....in my head....because if I was trying to talk outloud while running it would have sounded like this:

Dear........huff........puff.........cough.........God, 

 I was chatting to God about an incredible Bible study I've done this summer called No other gods by Kelly Minter.  I was telling Him that I felt like I had really dealt with other issues in my life this year that took my attention away from Him.  Then, like I didn't even hear what I had just said, I launched into a monologue about my fears and concerns regarding my boys.  

Like, they are growing up.  And sometimes I don't like that.

I distinctly heard God tell me that I need to be careful to not be controlling.  I need to let HIM be in charge.

"Who me???? Are you talking to the right person or is like when your baby monitor would pick up the neighbor's phone conversation.  Maybe I am so spiritual I can hear what God is saying to people inside the houses I run past!!"

No, Keri.......I'm talking to you.  You will never, ever, ever be able to do this parenting thing without letting Me be in charge.   You stood at the front of a church with both boys and gave them back to Me when they were little.  I hear your prayers to give you wisdom and creativity in parenting.  If you don't stop trying to do this without Me or parent in a way that is driven by fear, you will constantly be frustrated trying to control their world.  Let Me help you!

"Oh.........Ok"

You see, I want my boys to be independent and to have their own thoughts and opinions.  I want them to be secure in who they are as boys....soon to be men.  I want them to be able to stand up for what they believe in and not be swayed.  I just don't want any bad things to happen to them.  I don't want them to lose their innocence.  I don't want other kids to say mean or inappropriate things in front of them.  I basically want to keep them in a bubble away from the yuck in the world. 

The problem is they will not grow if I keep them caged in.  They won't learn how to fly.  And boy, let me tell you, they are going to need to learn how to fly well so mama bird doesn't have to kick them out of the nest one day.

I'm working on it people.  My first act as a new non-controlling person, but still somewhat type A, was to let sweet N Dawg (nickname courtesy of my sister) to get the haircut he's been begging to have for 2 years now.  The type A part kicked in when he wanted to hilite his hair blue.  It's takes time, people.......