Here, There, and Everywhere

I am not even sure how to put into words what the last 6 weeks have been like. I have had the opportunity to do a lot of traveling - 2 trips for Scot's job and a trip to Thailand for Fall Break.

Yes, we get Fall Break here.....which is funny because there is absolutely nothing Fall-like about Singapore right now. No pumpkin patches, no decorations anywhere, and weather that continues to be hot and humid every single day. I have seen a few pumpkins here and there at grocery stores with price tags that make your innards turn into pumpkin pie filling. We did splurge on two pumpkins at a cost that made Scot's eyes bug out of his head, but I have been mourning my decision to not bring any of my Fall decorations with me to Singapore so he gave in. But it hurt him. A lot. And he may have peaked into the pumpkin to see if it was filled with gold, but don't tell him I told you that.

These last six weeks have also rocked me to the core. I have asked God many times if He remembers that I am here in Singapore. That maybe I fell off His radar and He forgot where I was.

He quickly asks me the same question.

Do you know that I am here?

Garrett has been struggling since we moved here, but the extent to which he has been struggling was not known to us until 2-3 weeks ago. I was naive in thinking that because he wasn't crying into his pillow every night, he had adjusted to the move. Boy was I wrong. His struggles with adjusting just looked different than I thought they would. We have been working hard with him and I am just so thankful that Scot has been home. When Scot isn't busy hanging the moon, he has been spending loads of time with Garrett......nothing makes Garrett happier. There is absolutely nothing worse in the world than watching your child struggle and not being able to fix it for him.

I am here.

It seemed that I was going to lose my Grandmother this past weekend and realizing that I couldn't get to her, or my family, was so infuriating and frustrating that I didn't know whether to throw something, pull the covers over my head, or just start screaming. It fully hit me how far away we really are. I was devastated.

Keri, I am here.

I have felt so incredibly insecure about the dumbest things and as irritating as it is, I still give in to it. It's the struggle between starting a new life and hanging onto the old one. It's being "de-friended" by someone that wasn't even really a friend and having it rock my world much more than it should. It's meeting new friends and walking away kicking myself for saying something stupid. It's watching my old life go on without me. It's trying to stay connected but knowing I'm not doing a good job.

Helllloooo, I am here.

I honestly don't know how God can tolerate me sometimes. He is here with me. Has never left me. He offers me security and guidance, just like He's done for years. Yet it's still so easy for my world to be rocked.

Life is hard. He knows it's hard. That is why He sent His Son. So we would know what love really means.

I just wish I spent more time focused on Him than I do focused on myself and the things around me that I have no control over. I can't help but think that He probably wishes the same. It just has to be so much easier for Him to do His job when I'm not trying to do it for Him.

My job is to draw closer to Him every day. To make my relationship with Him a priority. To make sure that I live a life that makes Him proud. To be somewhat graceful when I go through times that are difficult. To actually learn a thing or two and appreciate the end result of a refining fire.

He is here.

We are here together, and I really love knowing that.

To prove that I don't take myself too seriously, I am posting a picture that so perfectly depicts how differently Nathan and I can approach some situations. This would be after Nathan actually kissed the top of this snake's head. That boy has no fear.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm......Part 2

It is amazing to me how quickly that which is odd can become normal. I recently read my first "Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm" post and while I still think it's weird that people carry drinks around in plastic bags, it doesn't jump out at me as much as it once did. For the record, I still have not tried a "squatty potty", but I know there will come a time in my very near future when I won't have an option. I have heard so many horror stories that I'm not looking forward to my first attempt at squatting and aiming!

Without further ado, I give you more interesting or strange observations from life here in Singapore!

1. This country is obsessed with acronyms. The freeways here are the PIE (Pan Island Expressway), ECP (East Coast Parkway), and BTE (Bukit Timah Expressway) just to name a few. The boys go to SAS (Singapore American School), play sports with SACAC (Singapore American Community Action Council), do after school activities with EASA (Elementary After School Activities), and take the bus home to the AC (American Club). I have joined the AWA (American Women's Assoc) which meant an instant membership to AAS (American Assoc of Singapore) and love the time I spend at IBC (International Baptist Church) with the WEM (Women's Enrichment Ministries). There are no fewer than 4 banks here that have gone the acronym route. There's POSB, UOB, OCBC, and DBS. We bank at Citibank, which we have shortened to.....well, The Bank. It's enough to make you want to LOL!!

2. Chilis is the only place we've been to so far that believes in free refills on your drinks. This may go hand in hand with why everyone around here is so small. That and the lack of Whataburger.

3. There's no tipping in Singapore. Typically there's a service charge of approx 10% added to your bill at a restaurant but no additional tipping. If you are feeling generous, you can round up your taxi fare to the nearest dollar as a tip and make a driver's day.

4. I do not think it's my own closed mindedness that keeps me from eating some of the strange stuff we've seen here. Some of it is just not normal.

These would be veggies stuffed with Fish Paste. I'm not sure how it turns out so shiny, but that's not the biggest turnoff for me. I just don't think I can eat anything that is a paste of something that was once alive.

5. Apparently, if you have a loved one that has passed on but is really needing a new pair of shoes in their afterlife....or a pack of cigarettes, you can go to a store to buy these items made out of paper. You set them on fire to send them into the universe, and before you know it, Grandma's got a new pair of Adidas. This store was filled with "designer" purses, liquor bottles, jewelry, and shoes.

I could not make this stuff up if I tried.

Notice the razor in the package at the bottom right? Guess you could share it with Moses on a slow day in heaven. A little makeover fun!

6. If you happened to be watching The Amazing Race when they were in Singapore, you will remember the challenge where they had to sell ice cream sandwiches from an ice cream cart. The boys were so excited to try the ice cream sandwiches because they are literally a slice of ice cream put into a slice of bread. And not that stone ground whole wheat kind of bread.....this bread has pink and green swirls in it!

The best part? They cost $1. In Singapore terms, that's practically giving them away!

7. The Mid-Autumn Festival just ended. It is a celebration of the moon and everywhere you go you see a delicacy called mooncakes. Typical mooncakes are made with lotus seed paste in the middle (which I am pretty sure will make you fail a drug test) with 2 egg yolks from salted duck eggs baked in to represent the moon. They are dense and not the yummiest thing I have ever tasted. They are round and imprinted on the top are a description of what's inside the mooncake along with the name of the bakery. Apparently, back in the day, they were used to distribute messages used to coordinate the Han Chinese revolt. I am convinced they could have actually thrown the mooncakes at people and done some serious bodily harm.

8. It is extremely popular to go eat at Hawker Stalls. It is essentially a large area with many different booths serving all kinds of food. It is very popular because you can eat very cheaply at the hawker stalls. If you have any desire to step out of your comfort zone in the food dept, this is the place to do it. You won't lose a lot of money in the process. In a move that is sheer brilliance by the government, the stalls are given a grade. This grade hangs front and center in the hawker stall to let you know where their standards lie in cleanliness of the workspace and food. Every time I come across a stall with a big 'ol "C" hanging there, I have a hard time making eye contact with the owner. What shame!

I am 100% an "A" kind of girl. Won't be taking any chances at any "B" stalls!

9. Let's address caning for a minute. I get asked frequently about caning.......a system made popular by Micheal Fay, the American teenager (18 yrs old) that spray painted and vandalized a bunch of cars and didn't want to suffer the consequences and so mommy and daddy came to his rescue. Parenting at its best!

I digress.

Recently we had dinner with a family that are native Singaporeans. At this dinner was a boy that is serving his time with the Singaporean military which is required of all boys after graduating from high school. I asked him for details on exactly what caning meant. It is used for offenses that deserve severe consequences, i.e. robbery, rape or destroying property. It is used with men under the age of 50 and is done with a cane that is about 4 feet long and half an inch thick. It is often soaked in water to make it more flexible. You are caned on your naked hiney with a doctor present in case you lose consciousness. The person doing the caning is required to put their full force behind it, so there's typically more than one caner present for when one gets too exhausted. I guarantee this is a bigger deterrent to crime than 3 square meals a day and outdoor playtime. Every person convicted of a crime here gets their name in the paper along with what they did and what their punishment was. They don't mess around with this stuff!

10. Yes, English is the primary language spoken here. With that being said, it is more accurately defined as Singlish because it's English with a Singapore twist. The most common characteristic is the tendency to add "lah" at the end of phrases and sentences. Throw in a good Chinese accent and suddenly you get lots of practice asking for things to be repeated or just nodding like you understand what's being said. There is no telling the things I have agreed to or questions I have answered inappropriately because of a good dose of Singlish.

I must admit that this country is growing on me. There are days that I ache for the familiarity of home, but we are exceedingly grateful for the opportunity to be here.

That being said, we are getting close enough to Christmas at this point, that I can almost smell Chuys from here!!

The Good Wife

I am sitting in the lobby of our hotel in Venice, Italy. I have zero makeup on, wet hair up in a bun, and am wearing sweats. In an hour and a half I have to front and center for our final black tie affair of this convention.

I will bring out all my very best manners while I try to carry on intelligent conversation with people I may or may not have already met this past week.

I will try to remember whether I bow, kiss a cheek, kiss both cheeks, or just shake a hand.

I will draw on my often limited knowledge of world politics, art, and culture and try to be witty and engaged during what seems like my 1,372nd conversation in the last 5 days.

I will know which of the 5 forks to use and politely try every culinary item presented to me while discreetly checking for food stuck in my teeth.

I will sit up straight and divide my attention equally between the people sitting on either side of me.

I will listen carefully to those who speak a different language - trying my best to communicate - waving away apologies for broken English.

I will share about our current living situation without complaint, providing answers for the many questions regarding life in Singapore.

I will glance lovingly at my husband and lay a hand on his shoulder as a sign of solidarity.

I will pay compliments to ladies and tell men how handsome they look.

I will sample my dessert, but avoid the temptation to devour it all.

I will dance with my husband.

I will be a Good Wife.

The Trailing Spouse

It was one week after arriving in Singapore that I heard this phrase used for the first time.

Trailing Spouse

It sounds like a woman that would follow around after her husband with hands folded, head bowed, and shuffling feet waiting to be summoned. I found it amusing and repulsive all at the same time and wondered if I was alone in my irritation of being labeled something so unimaginative.

I resent the implication that I've had no part in the decision making process and work involved in moving. I don't know if it was an attempt to run as far from this label as possible or to keep myself from an impulsive moment of throwing up my hands and moving back to Houston, but I hit the ground running in Singapore.

We found a church, I joined a Bible study, had the pastor and his wife over for dinner and started to put down roots. I signed up for tours, made lunch dates, went to PTA meetings, and started working out again. I've been keeping up with the boys and their busy schedules and doing lots of laundry. Have I mentioned how much laundry there is when you have a teeny tiny washing machine? Loads and loads of laundry.

I have worked at investing in my new friends and maintaining the relationships I have from home.

I was NOT going to be a trailing spouse. I was determined to find my God given purpose in Singapore and nothing was going to stop me. I have contemplated the idea of heading off to other countries to work in orphanages or to help in poverty stricken areas. I have 2 different Bible studies going and one book, Radical, that is rocking my world. I have wondered if my secret dream of writing a book was something I should explore more in depth. I wonder if maybe God does want there to be a C3 Singapore and just how long I wait until jumping into that.

Then there's tennis. A sport that has elluded me all these years except for a brief stint of lessons a couple years ago that left me frustrated at my poor eye/hand coordination. I have been told my "wing span" is going to waste by not embracing the sport and maybe I should take up lessons again. Oh! And some kind of martial arts or yoga.....even pilates!

Given the amount of time the kids have off from school and the 2-3 years most ex-pats have in their contract, becoming a travel agent is required for any traveling on the list to be done. So many places to see and so little time that it's not unusual for a group of women to spend loads of time comparing notes on places, hotels, itineraries, and activities in order to check off the list of must see places. I am almost frantic over the fact that we don't have our Thanksgiving plans nailed down or our trip over Chinese New Year in February or even Spring Break in March. I need to get busy!!!

No time at all to be a Trailing Spouse.

In the meantime, Scot and I have been struggling. Plain and simple, this move has taken a toll on our relationship. I went from having a husband that worked outside the home and traveled internationally to having a husband that works from home......in our apartment. I'm not used to him being around so it is just easier for me to leave. Fill my time outside our home. To be irritated that he's encroaching on MY space. I was aloof and snappy and generally unpleasant for him to be around.

We were sitting in the airport on our way to Australia for a brief work convention. We were being polite to each other and that was about it. He told me that he missed me. That he thought our move across the world and my removal from all that distracted me back home, would bring us closer together. That our relationship would be more intimate on all levels. That he would be all I needed. That he would fill the void of everything left behind.

I very stubbornly and somewhat arrogantly told him that I have been amazing in my attitude over the move and for that he should be grateful. That I have made a new life for myself and he ought to be thrilled. That I have not wasted one day away in the fetal position in tears for what we left behind and I should get an award.

"You're right. But I just thought it was going to be more of you and me."

That's all he said. I realized that it wasn't me at all that was the Trailing Spouse.

It was him.

That he was trailing after a wife who was completely missing the greatest gift of all in our move. The opportunity to strengthen and deepen a very important relationship. The opportunity for us to be a team. The opportunity for us to spend the kind of time together that I have yearned for in the past. The opportunity to be each other's best friend.

So, for you Scot, because I know you will eventually read this.

I am sorry.

I am sorry for not being more careful with our relationship. It is the most precious earthly relationship I have and it deserves to be treated with the utmost care and I have failed us in that.

Neither one of us needs to be trailing behind the other. We need to be walking next to each other, holding hands, laughing at private jokes, and being each other's biggest cheerleader.

Maybe we can take up tennis together? Well, except for that part where I get very competitive with you and say inappropriate things when I think you're purposefully losing to me. Yep, on second thought, we'll stay away from tennis.

Because I could totally beat you!!

I love you Scot Jenkins. You are my greatest gift in life.

Heads or Tails

One of my greatest blessings in moving here has been making new friends that are excited about their new lives and are ready and willing for any new adventure. We laugh because one of us will mention something we want to do and there's an immediate whipping out of calendars, a flurry of activity as we negotiate a day, and details nailed down all within about a 3 minute time span. Our activities vary from furniture warehouse tours to ziplining to culinary adventures and everything in between.

On the docket for this past week was a visit to a local wet market. A wet market is similar to a farmer's market. They are called "wet markets" because it is common for the floors to be wet as ice is thrown out as it starts to melt around fresh fish or has been hosed down after a long day of selling produce.

We set our sights on the Empress Market in order to work up to the mother of all wet markets in Little India, where apparently you can pick out which chicken you want from all the ones that are running around. It is going to take some time before I'm ready to watch a fun, happy-go-lucky chicken go from chasing its friends around to being a cutlet in a few short moments.

There was some hesitation on my part when I was told by a friend that a good wet market will turn any carnivore into a vegetarian. This did not sway my sense of adventure so off we went with a group of girls.......one of which was a seasoned Empress Market shopper so she was officially our guide. Her husband also happens to be the head of security at the US Embassy which means I am one step closer to my lifelong dream of having a top security position that would require me wearing one of those cool ear buds with a hidden microphone. I haven't quite told her that since we are still getting to know each other, but I am already working it, trust me. Just call me Salt.

Our first stop was a fish stall where "Jackie Chan" works. Despite the dismal success of The Spy Next Door, he has not had to change careers to being a fishmonger. This guy has apparently been a stand in for Chan many times and he was not overly impressed with a bunch of American girls taking his picture while pretending we were more interested in all the dead fish.

I am happy to report that there were no live animals or fish of any kind from which to choose from with the exception of these:

Poor little slimy guys. They have no idea that everything that makes them original and unigue would soon be destroyed by the one infamous statement: They taste like chicken.

I did end up buying a red snapper from this lady. She was trying to convince me to buy this enormous fish and was being very insistent about it. I instead bought one about half that size and asked the fishmonger to cut it up for me.

I turned around to look at something else and when I picked up the bag with my fish I could see its tail......or fin.....or whatever the thing that steers the fish is called. I was afraid that if the tail was still attached, there was a very good chance the head was as well. I handed the fish back and told my new friend that they were going to have to go ahead and take the head and tail off my new fish. They looked at me like I was nuts because how in the world was I going to make a good fish head stew without the fish head? That's easy......I'm not, so off with his head!

So, to summarize up to this point.

1. I am not ready to pick my chicken cutlets by who has the best personality.

2. I am not ready to destroy the self-image of a frog by telling everyone that he tastes like another species.

3. I am not ready to start chopping off the heads and tails of any kind of animal.

The rest of the day included buying some amazing fruit and watching my sister navigate around a vegetable stand like the professional vegetarian that she is. Apparently I need to ask to taste various leafy vegetables with a look of concentration on my face as to impress the vegetable seller guy. Because he looks VERY impressed here........

Vanessa is wearing the yellowish shirt in the front. She lives in my apartment building and has the most perfect teeth ever! I need to be careful to not scare her away with my fascination over her teeth....we have had at LEAST 2 conversations about how amazing her smile is!

This is my gorgeous friend, Lisa. I stalked her at 4th grade orientation. She has mastered driving in Singapore like noone else I know which officially makes her a superstar, and our designated driver which I'm sure is going to get old very quickly. This is a girl that LOVES adventure and for that I am very grateful!!

My sister, Cyndi, was ecstatic that she was able to buy tofu for about 80 cents. Apparently that is a cause for celebration?

This is my friend, Tiffany. She is the first friend I made here because she walked into a room and I pegged her for being a Texan and I was right!! Come to find out, we have 3 mutual friends (thank you Facebook) and the impossible task of ever finding shoes in Singapore to fit our feet. My beautiful friend is holding a bouquet of orchids that she was able to buy for about $9 USD.

My loot in my eco-friendly bag. Because I'm green and all that.

After about a full 45 minutes of shopping it was time for a snack!! They had various food stalls and we were very excited to find a Prata stand. It is a glorified crepe and you can get them savory or sweet. This one is stuffed with banana and is ALL kinds of yummy.

I would point out to you who the wife of the US Embassy security guy is, but then I'd have to kill you. But as I have already mentioned, taking body parts off of things that are already dead makes me squeamish so I am probably not much of a threat.

Just looking at all the fruit and yummy vegetables makes me want to throw out all the cookies and ice cream with promises to embrace an incredibly healthy lifestyle. Well, maybe once the cookies and ice cream are gone THEN I will start with the new healthy stuff! In the mean time, I have some fish tacos coming my way!

The Real World

You have NO idea how it feels to be on the receiving end of your anger!!

These were the words Nathan yelled at me Friday morning after a frustrating start to our day. Let me just clarify that by "anger" he did not mean that I was beating him or even yelling at him. Talking to him in a frustrated tone of voice? Definitely. It didn't matter.......he was still distraught (translation: exhausted) and would not settle down. He did get on the bus, but his shoulders were slumped forward and he was shuffling his feet with not even a wave as the bus pulled out of the driveway. I went on a preemptive strike by emailing his teacher to give her a head's up in case my anger was brought up and suddenly we have the nurse looking for inexplicable bruises. Nathan came home happy, with our morning forgotten, and all was right in 9 year old world once again.

What does this have to do with life in Singapore?

Despite the fun and adventures and new experiences, we are still smack dab in the middle of real life. Real life means we have days where every Jenkins family member is in a bad mood. It means we still have to hand out consequences, have difficult conversations, pay bills, figure out what's for dinner, and laundry. Loads and loads of laundry.

I am very aware that these next few years are going to offer some experiences we would otherwise never have had. I am also very sensitive to the fact that if those adventures are all I ever talk about, it can get obnoxious very quickly. We are blessed and thankful for our time here, but we are still immersed in real life every single day and real life can be tough sometimes.

I thought I was going along with the parenting thing pretty much figured out. A few bumps here and there, but overall I thought I was doing a relatively stellar job. Then a few weeks ago Garrett made the comment to me:

You know how you always talk so nice to people in stores and restaurants? You use that nice voice? I wish you talked to me like that.

Ouch.

Nothing like being slapped upside the head with the hand of reality. That comment coupled with Nathan's somewhat irrational comment has really made me think. Do I put forth more effort in being kind and gentle with strangers than I do with my own children?

I am the one person in this world they should be able to count on for a kind word when everything around them is ugly. I should be the one person that they can trust for a word of advice without the sting of criticism. Trust comes from not having to wonder what kind of mom is going to greet you every morning.

I sat down with Garrett and apologized to him. Apologized for the times that real life has taken away from what he deserves out of me. He deserves a mom that is consistent and loving.

A mom that parents him out of anticipation of his success and not expectation of his failures.

I continue to be in awe of life around me and every single day I encounter something that is new and different, but my real life is home with my family. People that deserve the very best I can give them no matter where I am or what's going on around me. A mom that is present and attentive and has enough self-control to not let her parenting be ruled and swayed by her emotions.

Real life continues in the midst of our adventure. Some days I rock at real life and others I fail miserably. The important thing is that I learn from my mistakes and pick myself up determined to do better. Now, if only I could figure out a way to not have to deal with the laundry, life would be just about perfect!

The Honeymooners

You are in the honeymoon phase!

A phrase I have been on the receiving end of a dozen times in the last week. When I respond to a question about how I'm doing with a positive response, I get THE look followed quickly by THAT phrase and a rushed "but you will like it eventually" type statement thrown on at the end to make it all better.

Why is it that we can't let those in a state of euphoria stay that way? We are quick to tell a newly married couple about the troubles they will face in the future. We share horror stories of labor and delivery to a sweet woman glowing with excitement for a new baby. We tell women with infants about how hard it is to have a 2 year old, we tell moms with 2 year olds how hard it is to have elementary aged kids and we tell moms of 3rd graders that their life will soon be tormented with teenagers. We tell young women to enjoy their youth before "real life" sets in and we tell women in their 20's to enjoy having all their body parts in the proper place because it won't be long until everything starts sliding south.

Is it that difficult for us to let someone live with an innocence that comes from not knowing what lies ahead? Do we begrudge their happiness because it was once robbed from us?

I understand that in the interest of reality people are just trying to prepare me for the inevitable. That the charm and excitement of a new life will wear thin and reality will set in.

I get that.

I have been purposely enjoying each and every day that I'm happy, refusing to sit in dread of the days I won't be. That is how you miss stuff. Plain and simple.

You miss the joys of being a newlywed when you dread your first fight over money. You miss the joys of being pregnant when you've heard the stories of 37 hours of labor. You miss your kid's childhood when you live with trepidation of what the next stage in their lives will bring. You miss the excitement of living somewhere new and exciting if you are just waiting for the day the honeymoon will come to an end.

I vote that the wiser and more experienced person allow ignorance to reign. As they say:

Ignorance is bliss!