Here, There, and Everywhere

I am not even sure how to put into words what the last 6 weeks have been like. I have had the opportunity to do a lot of traveling - 2 trips for Scot's job and a trip to Thailand for Fall Break.

Yes, we get Fall Break here.....which is funny because there is absolutely nothing Fall-like about Singapore right now. No pumpkin patches, no decorations anywhere, and weather that continues to be hot and humid every single day. I have seen a few pumpkins here and there at grocery stores with price tags that make your innards turn into pumpkin pie filling. We did splurge on two pumpkins at a cost that made Scot's eyes bug out of his head, but I have been mourning my decision to not bring any of my Fall decorations with me to Singapore so he gave in. But it hurt him. A lot. And he may have peaked into the pumpkin to see if it was filled with gold, but don't tell him I told you that.

These last six weeks have also rocked me to the core. I have asked God many times if He remembers that I am here in Singapore. That maybe I fell off His radar and He forgot where I was.

He quickly asks me the same question.

Do you know that I am here?

Garrett has been struggling since we moved here, but the extent to which he has been struggling was not known to us until 2-3 weeks ago. I was naive in thinking that because he wasn't crying into his pillow every night, he had adjusted to the move. Boy was I wrong. His struggles with adjusting just looked different than I thought they would. We have been working hard with him and I am just so thankful that Scot has been home. When Scot isn't busy hanging the moon, he has been spending loads of time with Garrett......nothing makes Garrett happier. There is absolutely nothing worse in the world than watching your child struggle and not being able to fix it for him.

I am here.

It seemed that I was going to lose my Grandmother this past weekend and realizing that I couldn't get to her, or my family, was so infuriating and frustrating that I didn't know whether to throw something, pull the covers over my head, or just start screaming. It fully hit me how far away we really are. I was devastated.

Keri, I am here.

I have felt so incredibly insecure about the dumbest things and as irritating as it is, I still give in to it. It's the struggle between starting a new life and hanging onto the old one. It's being "de-friended" by someone that wasn't even really a friend and having it rock my world much more than it should. It's meeting new friends and walking away kicking myself for saying something stupid. It's watching my old life go on without me. It's trying to stay connected but knowing I'm not doing a good job.

Helllloooo, I am here.

I honestly don't know how God can tolerate me sometimes. He is here with me. Has never left me. He offers me security and guidance, just like He's done for years. Yet it's still so easy for my world to be rocked.

Life is hard. He knows it's hard. That is why He sent His Son. So we would know what love really means.

I just wish I spent more time focused on Him than I do focused on myself and the things around me that I have no control over. I can't help but think that He probably wishes the same. It just has to be so much easier for Him to do His job when I'm not trying to do it for Him.

My job is to draw closer to Him every day. To make my relationship with Him a priority. To make sure that I live a life that makes Him proud. To be somewhat graceful when I go through times that are difficult. To actually learn a thing or two and appreciate the end result of a refining fire.

He is here.

We are here together, and I really love knowing that.

To prove that I don't take myself too seriously, I am posting a picture that so perfectly depicts how differently Nathan and I can approach some situations. This would be after Nathan actually kissed the top of this snake's head. That boy has no fear.