October 26, 2010

Here, There, and Everywhere

I am not even sure how to put into words what the last 6 weeks have been like. I have had the opportunity to do a lot of traveling - 2 trips for Scot's job and a trip to Thailand for Fall Break.

Yes, we get Fall Break here.....which is funny because there is absolutely nothing Fall-like about Singapore right now. No pumpkin patches, no decorations anywhere, and weather that continues to be hot and humid every single day. I have seen a few pumpkins here and there at grocery stores with price tags that make your innards turn into pumpkin pie filling. We did splurge on two pumpkins at a cost that made Scot's eyes bug out of his head, but I have been mourning my decision to not bring any of my Fall decorations with me to Singapore so he gave in. But it hurt him. A lot. And he may have peaked into the pumpkin to see if it was filled with gold, but don't tell him I told you that.

These last six weeks have also rocked me to the core. I have asked God many times if He remembers that I am here in Singapore. That maybe I fell off His radar and He forgot where I was.

He quickly asks me the same question.

Do you know that I am here?

Garrett has been struggling since we moved here, but the extent to which he has been struggling was not known to us until 2-3 weeks ago. I was naive in thinking that because he wasn't crying into his pillow every night, he had adjusted to the move. Boy was I wrong. His struggles with adjusting just looked different than I thought they would. We have been working hard with him and I am just so thankful that Scot has been home. When Scot isn't busy hanging the moon, he has been spending loads of time with Garrett......nothing makes Garrett happier. There is absolutely nothing worse in the world than watching your child struggle and not being able to fix it for him.

I am here.

It seemed that I was going to lose my Grandmother this past weekend and realizing that I couldn't get to her, or my family, was so infuriating and frustrating that I didn't know whether to throw something, pull the covers over my head, or just start screaming. It fully hit me how far away we really are. I was devastated.

Keri, I am here.

I have felt so incredibly insecure about the dumbest things and as irritating as it is, I still give in to it. It's the struggle between starting a new life and hanging onto the old one. It's being "de-friended" by someone that wasn't even really a friend and having it rock my world much more than it should. It's meeting new friends and walking away kicking myself for saying something stupid. It's watching my old life go on without me. It's trying to stay connected but knowing I'm not doing a good job.

Helllloooo, I am here.

I honestly don't know how God can tolerate me sometimes. He is here with me. Has never left me. He offers me security and guidance, just like He's done for years. Yet it's still so easy for my world to be rocked.

Life is hard. He knows it's hard. That is why He sent His Son. So we would know what love really means.

I just wish I spent more time focused on Him than I do focused on myself and the things around me that I have no control over. I can't help but think that He probably wishes the same. It just has to be so much easier for Him to do His job when I'm not trying to do it for Him.

My job is to draw closer to Him every day. To make my relationship with Him a priority. To make sure that I live a life that makes Him proud. To be somewhat graceful when I go through times that are difficult. To actually learn a thing or two and appreciate the end result of a refining fire.

He is here.

We are here together, and I really love knowing that.

To prove that I don't take myself too seriously, I am posting a picture that so perfectly depicts how differently Nathan and I can approach some situations. This would be after Nathan actually kissed the top of this snake's head. That boy has no fear.


  1. Beautifully expressed sweet friend. He has His hands covering you all. We know you are there;)We pray accordingly:)

  2. You know, sometimes I think that God is just sitting up there on His throne shaking His head at me, going "When will she ever learn? What more do I have to do to prove to her that she can trust me and that I'm ALWAYS here?" Everytime I try to handle things on my own this is the visual that eventually pops into my head.

    But thankfully, as protective and loving as God is, He is just as forgiving...maybe even more so. And He has no problem picking me back up off the floor, giving me a quick dust off, and sitting me back up on His lap. He's good that way, right?! It's so awesome that we have such security. I can't imagine what people do who don't have it...life would be unbearable to me.

    I'm sorry Garrett is struggling with the move and all. It's so hard to be that age and have such a major life adjustment...and it will definitely manifest itself in different ways. I know when I was diagnosed, Zachary's grades went through the floor...as much as we tried to keep things normal and happy, in his mind, things weren't at all. But he got through it, and Garrett will too, I'll say extra prayers for him and you, my friend.

    Um, we need to talk about the whole snake thing. I'm a more than a little disturbed here. I shudder to even THINK about coming across a snake, but to have one wrapped around my neck can almost make me pass out right here in this chair! What has Singapore done to your Texas-girl common sense?! Crazy lady;-) Haha, just kidding, you know I love ya!

    Oh, and in reference to your comment on my marathon the other day...you could totally run!! Maybe you could get a running group together there! Do people run in Singapore?? You already know running is an endorphin kick like no other, maybe that's what you need sister! And pounding the pavement, or treadmill, is always better than pounding someone's face in...just sayin'...it's a good stress reliever;-) And just so you know, WHEN (not IF) we get to run together, I have a feeling that there may not be much running because of the talking and giggling that will be going on!

    Love you, friend!! Saying prayers for you <3

  3. Oh I love hearing from your heart Keri!!!!! Thankfully God's mercies are new every day and He IS always there...:)

  4. Excellent message Keri! So loved it! Thank you for being so real.... You are truly missed, but so thankful for FB where I can stalk you any time I want! LOL Nina

  5. Prayed for you just now, friend. I can't imagine how difficult this transition has been on so many levels. So maybe you're not perfect, but I think you're pretty cool.

  6. It's being "de-friended" by someone that wasn't even really a friend and having it rock my world much more than it should. It's meeting new friends and walking away kicking myself for saying something stupid. It's watching my old life go on without me. It's trying to stay connected but knowing I'm not doing a good job.

    Oy....I live these feelings all the time, and I only moved to Seattle. I feel as if you spoke my mind for me here. It was like reading a book about myself.

    Carin Nestlerode

  7. Oh, I so know what you mean about watching life going on without you. It is a feeling that is hard to explain. I was de-friended by a good friend. That was painful. Just think, you have so many wonderful new friends to add to all your Houston and Waco friends. We all say silly things from time to time. I will share my most recent one with you tomorrow. Love ya girl! Sharon

  8. Sweet Keri,
    You are doing great! I can see God working in every single minute of your time there. Just a couple words of encouragement... When God moved me to a foreign place, I kicked and screamed and refused to see anything good about His plans. I shared my beliefs with a stranger one day and she wrote me a note and included Acts 17:26-27. At first I was mad, but gradually I understood and accepted that God had ordained where and when I would live and He would use it for His kingdom. The other thing is not quite as spiritual (okay not at all spiritual!) Mary Englebreit says to "bloom where you are planted." I had it on my morning coffee mug every day to remind me not to be a weed! I'm praying for you and your family.

  9. I have tears Keri! thanks for sharing your ups and downs with us.




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