Miracle.....Revisited

Every once in awhile, when I'm feeling nostalgic, I'll go back and read some old posts. It's strange to revisit life before. Before what? Well, before anything and everything that has happened after. There are posts I don't remember writing and those that I can remember every nuance of how I was feeling when I typed the words. One post in particular, I have read and re-read many, many times......I have even read it to a group of women. It wasn't a sudden onset of self-promotion, it is just that I don't think it was me writing the words. I remember the heaviness of my heart and I remember crying while I wrote it, but honestly, the words on the screen are just not my own. I know that sounds weird, and I am certainly prone to sudden bouts of weirdness, but I don't know how else to explain how I feel about this post.

I found it again tonight because I needed to. My heart has been heavy for several friends lately going through major and minor things that I can't fix for them. I see them struggling for explanation.

I have been struggling. We've had some personal situations come up that have been really tough. We've been trying to sell a house for a year with enough drama surrounding it that it could qualify as a book in and of itself. And I find myself in a place where the extent of human inequality surrounds me. We are so, so, so blessed and why this is my life when hours from me there are women just hoping they can feed their children while maintaining a faith and love in God that is astounding.....I don't understand it. I just don't.

This is a first for me, but I am re-posting a blog entry called Miracles. I don't know if it will speak to any of you, but the words are ones I needed to read again.

For those of you out there, and you know who you are, I am praying so desperately for your miracle......whatever that may look like.

MARCH 11, 2009

MIRACLES

She died.

When I was about 8 or 9 years old, my mom had a friend that had cancer. It was the first time I was ever exposed to the disease that has stolen so many lives. I don't remember the lady's name, or even what she looked like. What I do remember is my mom praying for her healing. The kind of prayer that will take you to your knees, begging God to spare a life. I remember being so affected by the fervency in which my mom pleaded for a miracle. Her friend died. I began to doubt that God would heal just because someone asked Him to.


When I was 30 years old, we moved to Florida. I had a 2 year old and a 5 month old and I was a walking disaster. Many times my husband would come home from work to find me in tears on the couch. I was overwhelmed and desperately missed the life I had left behind. I prayed for a miracle and God led us to a church that changed our lives. Then we were uprooted again to move to Houston. I began to doubt that God really cared.


My good friend of 15 years has lost 7 babies through miscarriage. I was determined to "stand in the gap" for her when days were so dark, she didn't want to get out of bed. I encouraged her, prayed for her, and begged God to give her a child. She has never been able to carry a baby past 8 weeks of pregnancy. No miracle.


I am now 38 years old. Life has been challenging these last several months, but I have been steadfast in my faith, determined not to waiver. I knew we were entering into economic times that would rival what I had only read about in history books, but I just knew we were safe. Then Scot got laid off from his job and my faith is shaken for a moment, but I am determined to trust God until I receive my miracle.


But what if I don't?


I am not the only woman in my situation that is standing firm on the promises of God. I have learned, some people get the miracle and some don't. What if I'm a "don't" this time around?


My child, what is your definition of a miracle?


You see, your mom's friend came home to me many years ago. My miracle was in allowing you, a young, impressionable girl, watch your mother demonstrate the kind of faith that you were going to need yourself some day. My miracle was allowing your mom's friend to have a legacy that exceeded her expectations, a legacy that has brought many to my feet with hurting, questioning hearts, so I could tenderly reach down and heal them.


My miracle was in giving you a friendship with your pastor's wife in Florida that would sustain you through many hard times. I needed you to be there so Lisa could nuture you, pour My word into you, and love you, so you could be more effective to Me when I moved you to Houston. My miracle was being very present when your marriage was put to the test - pouring grace and mercy all over both of you. Your marriage is stronger today because of it, that's a miracle.


My miracle was taking extreme heartache in the loss of so many babies, and making it a part of our friend's testimony. My miracle is taking what satan meant for evil, to hurt and destroy, and turning it into good. My miracle is giving her and her husband twins to adopt, children I knew would need her to be their mom.


Wait in anticipation of a miracle, but you must remove your own earthly, narrow-minded expectations of what that miracle will look like. If only you could see your life like I see it, you would have no fear, only excitement for what is to come. Your miracle may not come in the form of an incredible new job or financial gain, but stand strong in your faith with eager anticipation and let Me show you what a miracle really is.