I was having a conversation last week with one of my favorite people in the whole entire world, Lisa. She lives in Florida and is married to a pastor and she is real.......transparent, authentic, and refreshingly real. I miss her in a way that just hurts my heart.
We were talking about the things in our lives that we just can't stand about ourselves. You know what I'm talking about, the stuff that we try really hard to pretend doesn't exist so our appearance says something different from our reality.
Like working really hard on a comment to post on a very popular blog trying to get a shout out from the blog author.
Like checking an Evite invitation 45 times a day to see who is or is not coming to your party and why.
Like keeping the tags on a new shirt, wearing it to church for all your friends to see, and returning it to the store if no one complimented you on the cuteness factor of the shirt.
Like allowing yourself to be tortured over a broken relationship until you can think of nothing else but the pieces scattered all around you.
Like hearing other women talk about their weaknesses and having a moment of intense pride when your struggles are not the same.
We laughingly agreed that being open with each other about our yuck made us feel a little less bad about ourselves and wondering how many women have these same feelings, but never admit it to anyone.
I have never been a big New Years resolution kind of girl because I have horrible discipline (notice all my transparency??) and by the 1st week of January I will have broken every resolution. Why set myself up for failure?
I did enter this new year thinking about what I wanted out of 2009. The truth is, I want to be pure.
I want my intentions to be pure.
I want my pursuit of God to be pure.
I want my motivations in life to be pure.
I want my thoughts to be pure.
I want my ongoing, desperate need for approval to be met purely through my Savior.
Now, I know very well that I am riddled with fault and will have days where I fail miserably. I also know that God's promises and love for us are "new every morning" and I don't have to wait until 2010 to start over. Thank you God for that promise!
I hope your 2009 has gotten off to a great start. I pray that each of you finds a renewed sense of purpose in your walk with Christ. I pray you will have pure joy.
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I think I know this cool Lisa chic u speak of :)
ReplyDeleteYou guys had a great convo, thx 4 your willingness 2 share some of it here.
Yes...pure is the word! In all I say, do, think, feel, I pray for the pureness of God to be the ONLY thing in them.
Um, I guess Ill have to make a NOT ME post, so I dont have to admit that I do not do any of those things....
ReplyDeleteLike I don't post comments on peoples blogs, thinking that maybe they REALLY do care what I have to say or that I talk to them as if i have known them forever ago.
Like I don't constantly see myself sizing myself up to others every where I go now, trying to not let getting old get me down, but smile back on it and think how fun it was.
Like wearing certain shoes that hide the bunion that I pretend I don't have.
Like not going to the gym in truth, because I feel I must dress to impress just to go to the gym, so I say I hate the gym all together.
Like posting blogs to my post all the time as if i am this really organized busy person, with so much in life going on (which is true), but in the other truth I am simply bored out of my mind at home with no adult conversation so the blog, my computer are my daily adult companion.
Yea, that list could go on and on... of all the things I do not do, really!!!
Hugs mama, you are beautiful!
Great list...of pure intentions. I love it! I pray this same prayer for me. Pure and simple, because God knows, there is no such thing as a secret, even the areas of our hearts we'd like to stay in the shadows. Thanks for sharing. I pray this new year, one day at a time, is a pure joy for you, regardless of circumstance, in your pursuit of intimacy with God.
ReplyDeleteYes, Keri! I did receive a new devotional guide for Christmas!! :) Thanks for helping my sister and mom find it! I haven't started it yet -- planned to when the boys went to school yesterday and then let all those unimportant things get in my way. I hope my new year brings me a much more consistant quiet time and I am anxious to get into it!! Once again, thanks for helping them. Danette said she e-mailed back and forth with you about it. I decided I wanted it after reading your post one morning about what you had learned from it. Plus, anything Beth does HAS to be great!
ReplyDeleteI never thought of keeping the tags on something and taking it back if no one complimented me on it. This is feeling like the time my pastor's wife confessed to wiping out the front of the refrigerator when company was due so that it would look like she cleaned the whole thing. Her confession was my inspiration. Hee hee. Just kidding. You are so right about how we do this stuff and it feels like such a relief when someone else admits to it. Whew! I'm so glad you don't have it all together. Then you might not want to have anything to do with me!
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