September 11, 2009

False Advertising

Do you see the serene look on this patient's face as she undergoes laser hair removal??


Picture me without a cute headband, laying on the table with funky dark glasses on because what I'm about to do to my face could render me blind........awesome....

I'm relaxed and ready to start down the road to my whisker free future when Hilda (who is very disappointingly named Carlene), drops her glasses in place and says "Let's get started".

What happens next is truly a blur as I was trying to cope with the feeling of having 1,000 hot needles poking into my face without writhing in pain.......or screaming. I could almost see Hilda throwing her head back and emitting an evil laugh while I wondered if those glasses were really protecting my eyes, or just masking the fact that I was crying.

It honestly took about 5 minutes and then we were done. I wondered if there was blood streaming down my face and neck after the torture. I have never had to struggle harder to be polite and to show self-control than when Hilda told me that next time:

"I will kill some more"

She then left me to regain my composure in the little room before meeting me out front. It literally felt like someone had punched me in the jaw.....over and over and over again.

I proceeded to the desk with the sweet girl that has never had a zit or chin whisker, and begin the process of setting my next appointment. I casually mentioned how much pain I'm in and the fact that they should offer a Vicodin cocktail prior to laser hair removal. The adorable 12 year old receptionist just laughed and said

"Yeah, everyone says that".

Ok, so is it just me? Maybe you people ought to consider WARNING those of us that have no clue that this experience is so excruciating. Maybe that's why "Hilda" is so free with showing off her armpit, because you are so mesmerized by the promise of what could be, that you get sucked in at any cost.

Round 2 is October better believe I will be inhaling some Advil and packing my own ice pack for that visit!!


  1. hahahahahahah 12 year old receptionist---HAHAHAHAHA love that!!!!!! whew that was funny!-Melissa

  2. Ok, now I am scared!!!


  3. These Hilda posts have been great! Hope you're feeling less traumatized by now. :)



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