Be Still

In four days G starts school and then on Monday, N joins him. A new start - almost like New Year's Day in many ways. Lots of promises are made for renewed discipline, culinary achievements, and organization. Unfortunately, these most often go by the wayside by September when I am talking loudly to the kids (yelling), driving through somewhere for dinner, and have papers scattered all over my kitchen.

The one thing that is different this year is that I am learning to Be Still. This is not easy for me as I think I have had an overloaded schedule since I was 12. I like to be busy, active, involved, and social so I end up being overwhelmed many times. My head, my life, all start to feel like this:

An enormous mess where I can't find anything I am looking for and just give up trying. Humility at its very best!! There was nothing in me that really wanted to post that picture except that it best describes how I feel inside most of the time.

Until God met me in Florida this summer. He knew it would take a week for me to calm down enough to pay attention to the lesson He was trying to teach me. Week two was all about quiet communion between my God, whom I love with my whole being, and me. Week three was about confirming all I had been learning. The big lesson??

"Be Still and know that I am God" was not written in the Bible just to take up space. It is a command. He is telling us to Be Still. Not just for a minute, or five minutes because how well can you really know someone in that short of time? Five minutes of being still would be like speed dating and I just don't see God being cool with that.

We tell our boys all the time to Be Still. Often it's when we are trying to get a point across and need them to pay attention. They are so distracted by everything else going on that even if they are still physically and listening, I can tell by looking in their eyes that they aren't really hearing me because they aren't still on the inside.

For me, it means cleaning out some of what makes my mind so noisy. Just like that playroom, it's getting rid of what isn't needed and finding a proper place for what is. None of it is bad and all of it serves a good purpose, but we just don't need all of it.

There were several weeks in there that God had been sweetly telling me to resign my volunteer position at Living Proof. Boy howdy, I did NOT want to do that, but He was persistent and I was obedient.

Budget cuts required the church to cancel our C3 event for the Fall, so God took care of that without me being involved at all. I guess He figured my involvement just made it that much more complicated and time consuming!

With Scot's new job I have given my days at the hospital back to the other speech therapist that had so kindly let me take over when we were unemployed.

There is more and I fully realize that everyone's journey with this is different. For me, it was about not doing so much for everyone else that my family suffered. Let me tell you.......it feels really good. There was nothing wrong with what I was doing, it was all very purposeful and for a good cause, but there were many times I lost who God was because I couldn't hear or see Him in all the craziness.

Be Still. Sit with Him. Talk to Him. Spend time with Him.

Then you will know HE is God.

In a perfect post, I would have an incredible, Pottery Barn type picture to post as an "After" to the one I posted above. Honestly, I'm still in the midst of cleaning up so I can't tie all this up in a nice neat bow. Oh yeah, that's another thing I'm letting go of........feeling like I have to have it all figured out in order to talk about it.

There can be something powerful about allowing others a peek into the journey.