Pride? Check!

About this time last year I was in the throes of a blogging challenge I had set for myself.  I was actually doing pretty well keeping up with the "blog every day" thing and it was fun.  I would link most posts to Facebook because that's the only way close friends and family would see it.  I never had any delusions of grandeur......I knew it was some silly stories and random thoughts put out there that few would love.

I was good with that.

Then I was told that linking my blog to Facebook was "self-promoting".  That stung a bit but I was glad for the pride check.  I had to make sure I wasn't doing it for any selfish gain and just to make it easier for family and friends to access stuff I wrote about our life.  

And besides, isn't the whole premise behind Facebook self-promoting?  Just sayin'.......

The year went on.  I blogged.....I didn't blog.  

But I did Facebook....a lot.  It was an easy way to avoid things I needed to do, an easy way to keep up with what everyone and their kids and dogs and cats and grandparents were doing.  It made me feel connected.  

That is, until I realized that reading Facebook could actually alter my mood.  I would be happy, mad, jealous, disgusted, excited, insecure.

Really?  How lame is that?  Could I seriously not just take 5 minutes to read about what everyone is doing without wanting to yell at my teen for not being a perfect athlete, student and muscisian? Or discontent with my husband because he hasn't bought me a boat?  Or down on myself for being incredibly underachieving?  

These are clearly my issues and I'm certainly not faulting anyone for having perfect kids, boats, and achievements.  I'm not.

I just didn't think I was vulnerable enough to react like I did.

This year's pride check?  Epic Fail

I did what any overreacting, hormonal woman would do.  I threw out a cryptic Facebook message about taking time off and then disconnected my account.  Like I thought there would be great wailing and gnashing of teeth if I was absent for a week or two until I could get my act together.  

Then I started to worry that friends would think I had defriended them.  Oh the horrors!  We couldn't have that!  

So I reactivated my account.  

I clearly have issues.

Needless to say, I practiced the long lost art of self-control and didn't look at a single status update yesterday or today.  I got a ton done and can 100% blame all mood swings on my children.

Except they cleaned the kitchen for me tonight when I had to go to a meeting and I must share this note that I found when I got home.

Ok, so I won't be bragging about any spelling awards and his handwriting is clearly indicative of his future as a doctor, but how adorable that the child does know how to write a good salutation!

Makes you jealous, right?  Heehee

I KNOW!!

My computer was shut down for the night and I wandered into the kitchen for my almost nightly ritual of an apple and Nutella.  I justify the Nutella because it is merely a dip for a very healthy apple thus it is void of all calories and fat.  Kind of like when you dip carrots and celery into blue cheese dressing after your 13 year old finishes the wings that were on the plate.

Not that any of those things happened tonight or anything.

I had shut down my computer purposefully avoiding writing a blog post tonight.  I am just not in the mood.

I have a dear friend in Houston who lost her mother suddenly (whom I also adored) and the funeral is today and I should be there.  It's the sacrifice of being so incredibly far away.  It honestly makes me go stir crazy because I should be there.....not here, thousands and thousands of miles away.

I have also struggled today with several skeletons....demons....whatever you want to call them.  It makes me feel weak and that makes me crazy too.

Cue the padded room.

I did actually work out this afternoon with Garrett when he got home from school.  Score one for me!!

There was a small situation where he reacted in a way that makes me crazy so I didn't waste a moment in correcting him.  I started in with the familiar words of parental brilliance and he started mumbling his two favorite words:

I know, I know!

I quickly informed him that clearly he doesn't know because if he did, in fact, know, he wouldn't do the same thing over and over and over again.  He was irritated, I was frustrated.  

Then I fed him and the situation was quickly diffused.

Fast forward to 10 minutes ago when my computer was shut down, apple washed and ready to be cut and Nutella primed and ready on the counter.  I'm irritated and feeling defeated.  I hear a small voice in my spirit correcting me.....convicting me.

I know, I know!!!

And then I had to laugh.  

I could almost see God on His throne leaning over to Jesus saying, "Wait for it.....wait for it".

Yep.  Clearly I don't know because if I did, in fact, know, I wouldn't do the same thing over and over and over again.  

What Garrett and I were both missing today?

It's not the knowing that we've stepped out of line....made a bad choice.....caved into temptation once again.  It's the determination to change, that comes from the knowing, that alters everything.  

Every single thing.

What I'm needing tonight?  A healthy dose of determination.

And a time machine so I can be with my sweet friends today.

Is that too much to ask?

One Night in Bangkok

I have clearly now failed in my attempts at blogging every single day.

I also failed at not eating sugar today.

Perfection continues to allude me.

I returned in the wee hours of Wednesday morning from a short girl's trip to Bangkok.  It was my adventure group minus three of our girls who couldn't make it.  We are saying goodbye to Katie and Sharon in the next couple of weeks and an adventurous trip seemed the only way to properly send them off.

All this leaving and saying good-bye just sucks.

I apologize for being crass but using the word "stinks" or "yucky" just doesn't adequately describe how hard it is.  

People come and go quickly.  Most don't really know when their time is going to be up.  There are those who come for two years and are still here after ten.  There are those who come for two years and find out six months into their stay that they are going back.

Many lunch conversations center around guessing and anticipating where life will have any one of us in the next year.  It is odd to be with friends and not one of them knows for sure where they'll be living 12 months from now.  

It certainly brings a sense of urgency to life.  Not a school vacation is wasted when there are places in this part of the world to see.  There are adventures to be had and conversations to enjoy.  Dinner parties to plan and sightseeing to be done.  You invest in your friends because you need them to survive.  You embrace differences in culture and backgrounds because those things make life richer.  

One night in Bangkok we sat around a dinner table.  Six of us that don't come from the same place, believe in the same things, or know where life is leading us next.  Six of us that were able to toast friendships that have strengthened and enriched our lives and stretched our thinking.  Six of us that knew, without giving voice to it, that we'd never have that moment again.  Six of us that missed the three that weren't there.  Six of us that will never forget how our lives crossed in this small country.  Six of us that would say our lives are better for it.  

To all of my friends that are leaving........I will miss you terribly.  You will leave a void but I'm thankful for every moment we had together......I just wish we had many, many more.

Thank you for making me realize what it means to live a life of urgency.  To not waste a single moment when every moment counts for something.

"But about that day or hour, no one knows, not even the angles in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.  Be on guard!  Be alert!  You do not know when that time will come."  Mark 23: 32-33

Round 3

It is way past time to wrap up this ongoing hair saga.

Can I get an "Amen"?

Yesterday, I went the whole day trying to own my new dark somewhat Gothic look.  I wore black and dark eyeliner....got a tattoo and a few extra piercings.  

Just kidding mom!!  

My favorite reaction was a girlfriend of mine who walked into a party I was at, took one look at me, told me she loved me and then gave me a hug.  I love that she didn't even try to pretend that she liked it!  I do have some friends that are somewhat edgey that love the dark hair but I wasn't convinced I could pull it off.

So back to the salon today for Round 3.

The manager met me at the door and we reviewed again what I was ultimately looking for.

Chestnut with golden highlights.  

You know how when you get a new car all of a sudden you notice that car everywhere you go?  Or when you're pregnant it seems like you see pregnant women everywhere?  

Chestnut with golden highlights was checking out as I was checking in......chestnut with golden highlights was just finishing up in the chair next to me.  Chestnut with golden highlights walked past me.  

We all knew that I needed to let go of my chestnut with golden highlight dreams.  

The repair work commenced and I was ready.  Sandwich, computer, my own book, water......and the guy responsible for ashy green in the background.  That's not awkward or anything.

I was a bit nervous as foils were put on my head.  For the record, I would like to say that it is possible to inhale chemicals for over 6 hours and live.  

Foils came out and I had white streaks, there was panic, near tears, reassurance that it would be fine, a toning process of some kind, more hair washing, and then a conditioning treatment that involved a machine my head was strapped into and had smoke coming out of it.

Of course.  Because why would any part of this whole thing be normal?

The thing came off, two inches of damaged hair was cut off and there was great rejoicing when my hair was still intact and was a lighter shade of Karma Bites after 4 hours of work.  I jumped out of the chair and hugged the girl more relieved than I should be for something as silly as my hair.

After getting home and watching relief flood the faces of my boys, I attempted the self-photograph.  I took one picture and realized my nose is definitely bigger than it used to be.

Darn chemicals.

I powdered my nose and put on lipstick and laughed at myself for being so silly about this.  Then I proceeded to take no less than 15 different pictures.....of myself.  15.  

Nose looks enormous

Too......um.....come hither?  Too much Keri needs botox? 

Too strange looking....

That definitely solves the nose problem.....

Umm....it would help if you could actually see my hair.

This is ridiculous.....I give up.  We're done.  

Karma Bites

I know that it's not nice to talk about people.  I have gotten myself in trouble more than once over the years for chatting about someone behind their back.

Remember yesterday's post?  The one where I was talking about "kinda" breaking up with my hair lady?  The one where I didn't really say anything mean about her.....just the fact that she is very timely and prefers the color orange?

Today, karma bit me in the hiney.

I don't really believe in karma so maybe we'll say this is what I get for talking about our breakup online.  

I left off yesterday's post talking about handcuffs.  

No, wait.  That's for another time. 

I left off yesterday's post talking about my ashy, green hair.  Just for the record?  Ash should never, ever, ever be a hair color.  

Friend:  What does your hair look like?

Me:  It looks like ash.

Friend:  It looks like WHAT??

Me:  Ash!  I said ash.

Someone in the hair industry should be fired for thinking that was a legitimate hair color.

After tossing and turning last night about the hair situation I decided to be assertive in trying to get it fixed.  This is not a comfortable thing for me but I can't go on with ashy green hair.  I just can't.

I went back to the lovely place that did my hair and the wonderful ladies behind the counter were easily able to see the reason I was requesting a redo.  The manager happened to be standing there and she promised it would be fixed at no charge.  In fact, I could get squeezed in today!  They hooked me up with someone other than the person who was responsible for the ashy green and I went on my merry way happy that my issue would soon be resolved and proud of myself for taking a stand.

I returned for my appointment and showed my new person the exact color I wanted.  He concurred about the green and promised me he would fix me all up.  We chatted, I read more about the Kardashians, I was shampooed and then.............

Then I was introduced to my new hair color that I affectionately call Karma Bites.

I was going for a warm chestnut brown color with golden highlights.  Apparently the only chestnuts my hairdresser had ever seen were burnt to a crisp.

Needless to say, I barely made it out of the salon with my manners still intact.

I walked into my house and the boys were NOT happy.

Nathan was downright mad at me demanding to know why in the world I wanted my hair that dark.  It was his turn to pray at dinner tonight and after praying for Garrett and his schoolwork, Scot and his work, he prayed that God would help mom and "her horrible hair situation".

Garrett's response to my hair?

Mom, you look like Megan Fox from the back!  Well, your head does anyway.

Nice.

As for Scot?  Scot is a man that has been married to me for almost 17 years.  He knows how to handle these situations like a pro.  Lots of tip toeing around me, gentle smiles, offers to do whatever is needed around the house.  

Tonight I got a call from the salon manager.  She had heard about my head full of Karma Bites and wants me back on Friday to try and fix it again.  

I have Nathan praying now that I won't go bald from all the chemicals my scalp will have been exposed to by the time this is all over.  

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Today I "kinda" broke up with the lady who has done my hair since we've moved here.

I can say "kinda" because she doesn't know yet that we've broken up.  She is not one to forgive easily so I didn't want to burn that bridge until I had completely crossed to the other side.

And I'm still rehearsing the whole "It's not you, it's me" speech.

The truth is that I'm a little afraid of her.  She works alone out of her apartment and if you happen to be late........well, few have survived to tell the tale.  Sometimes she's in a good mood and sometimes she's not.  It takes exactly 2.9 seconds to figure out what you're dealing with that day.

The good thing about the hairdresser I've only kinda broken up with?

She's cheap.

A cut and color here in Singapore can run you close to $400.  She charges me $75.  It's amazing how much a girl can put up with for that much of a discount.

Another good thing?

Oh,  how I love this heater/dryer thing circa 1950.  It drowned out all noise and was warm and amazing.... even if I always had a teeny tiny bit of fear that it would catch my hair on fire.

Or my entire being.

I would say the good far outweighed the bad except for one thing.  No matter how many times I told her I wanted my hair a certain color, it always came out orange.  So orange that people now assume Garrett got his red hair from me.

He didn't.

Unfortunately, the best picture of my orange hair raises all kinds of eyebrows, but we'll just leave that story for another day.

I am way too tall of a person to have that much excitement on top of my head.  I work hard at making my whole being blend.  Looking like an oversized match when that wasn't God's original intention in creating me just became more than I can bear.

Today I put on big sunglasses and a floppy hat and snuck off to another hairdresser.  My heart was beating and I had a hard time breathing in nervous anticipation of what this guy would do to my hair.

Two hours later and I am now the proud owner of ashy, gray, with a tint of green hair and a nice set of highlights.

That's what I get.

Maybe I like orange after all.........well, minus the handcuffs.

Being Choosy

Someday my boys will pledge their eternal love to a young lady and will walk into the sunset with her to begin a new life.

Excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth.

I joke (cry) with friends about the day I will be at the mercy of a daughter-in-law.  What probably makes me the most nervous is that I have not been the most stellar of daughter-in-laws myself.  I know first hand how obnoxious they (I) can be.  

That is why I would like to say that I am totally in favor of arranged marriages.  I'll choose a friend I adore who has a daughter I've watched grow up and BAM!  A marriage made in heaven.  I will inform my boys of my choice and despite cries of protest I will create a world in which no other option will be as appealing as the one I have made for them.

All will be perfect until one day my boy wakes up next to the love I chose for him and realizes it is not a love he chose for himself.  Despite my threats and protests and tears, he will set out to find love for himself.  

Will he return to her?  Will he choose wisely?  Will I even get to be a part of the journey or have I lost my chance to influence?

I sometimes wonder if I am not doing the same in their relationship with God.  They have grown up in a house where they are told what to believe and why.  They are taken to church and surrounded by people who believe the same.

We fight and sometimes lose to the temptation to put them in a bubble where they don't experience "the world".  We choose friends, we shelter and protect because we think if given the choice, they might not love the Person we want them so badly to love.

One day they might realize that the God we've told them to love.....they don't really love at all.

Will he return to Him?  Will he choose wisely?  Will I even get to be a part of the journey or have I lost my chance to influence?

My job is to share and teach as much as I can about having a relationship with a woman.

Treat her with respect.  Choose a woman who doesn't seek attention from others with the way she dresses.  Stay away from a gossip.  Look for kindness and patience.  Make her a priority.  Spoil her.  Treat her well.  Love her.

Make sure she wants to share the grandbabies with her mother-in-law.

My job is to do the same with their relationship with Christ.

Trust Him.  Live a life worthy of His sacrifice.  Talk to Him and let Him talk back.  Seek His will.  Ask for wisdom.  Learn His word.  Worship Him.  Cry to Him.  Love Him.

The best kind of love is love where you know out of all the options in the world, you were chosen.

My job is not to choose for them.

I want my boys to choose her.

I want my boys to choose Him.